Not-so-Tastefully Simple

Posted by houndrat on Saturday Jun 28, 2008 Under random stuff, Uncategorized

So, last night I went to one of those Tastefully Simple parties.? You know the ones—where they let you sample food in hopes you’ll? buy a ton of crap,? and somehow, if they sell enough, some random lady out in? the Midwest? scores a vanity-plate Hyundai.? No, that? can’t be right–it’s illegal to put a vanity plate on those.? At any rate, I don’t really care about the logistics.? All I care about are the yummies.

I know they? hate me at these things but? for some reason, they invite? me anyway.? The point is to sample the food.? Key word here?? Sample.? Me?? I? act like I’ve been subsisting on a diet of rats and toilet paper for the past ten years, and grab a handful of everything, stuffing as much into my mouth as I possibly can before the dirty looks I’m getting from the woman sitting next to me force me to pass the plate.?

Oh, bite me, I think.? We’re in SoCal–and Miss Manners don’t surf.?

Then, once the plate’s made its rounds, I hunt? it? down in the kitchen and eat some more.? Have I mentioned that I’m a yummy-addict?? But really, when you think about it, I’m just getting my green on.? Because if I don’t eat that stuff, it’ll just end up lining a land fill somewhere.? Or contribute to the child labor in China.? Or something along those lines.? ? ? Oh yeah–? and on my way back to my seat, I managed to finish off the box of toddler cookies sitting on the counter.? They went great with the key lime pie dip.

Honestly?? I just? don’t fit in at these things.? Apparently, its a no-no to ask? about the toxins, like BHT, in their salad dressings.? Who would’ve guessed?? Thankfully, I managed to keep my mouth shut.? This time.? But somebody else was commenting on how much “prettier” the produce is at a huge supermarket than at the local farmer’s market store, and how it stayed fresh soooo much longer.? Um, hello?? Ever heard of the word? preservatives?? ? No?? Then how ’bout chemicals?? ? I couldn’t resist jumping in on that.? Somehow, I also managed to work the merits of fermented vs. unfermented soybeans into a conversation.? Just call me the quintessential sample party guest.

And then there’s the drinking.? You know it’s sad when you have to use a Tastefully Simple party as an excuse to pound alcoholic beverages, but hey, my chances for a good margarita and no kids are few and far between.? And I wasn’t the only one.? ? Thank God the hostess? is was a friend, because the sampling started at 6:00 pm, and almost five hours later, five of us were still holding down the fort in her kitchen.? And we managed to clear every last beer out of her fridge.? Although, to be honest, I only consumed two of the drinks.? ? See, I’m a total light weight these days.? I’m thinking? my liver took enough of a beating in college, and now gets it’s revenge by making my head explode if I even? so much as glance? at a third beer.? Hey,? its progress.? For awhile there, I could have one Coor’s Light and still get a hangover.? And Coor’s Light isn’t even beer.

Of course, this morning, it’s not my liver that’s kicking my ass, it’s my stomach.? I guess there’s only so much dip, beer bread, and toxic salad dressing your belly can take it just one sitting.? And I’m thinking the toddler cookies pushed me over the edge.

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