Chili’s goes super-size

Posted by houndrat on Wednesday Jul 2, 2008 Under contest, random stuff, Uncategorized

So, yesterday somebody mentioned they’d like to win home-made cookies.? (And yes, the Pay It Forward contest is still on, so keep leaving those comments!? You have until the 4th of July to enter.? Check out my post on Pay It Forward and Swistle for more details).

I seriously considered adding some fresh yummies into the prize package.? Except when I bake, I taste.? And not one or two cookies—we’re talking major tastage here.? As in, half the batch? is vacationing in? Tummy Town long before the baking sheet? has time to? cool.

Which usually wouldn’t faze me.? But, here’s the deal—folks, I just hoovered? a Super Big Gulp-sized? Chili’s shake last night, without even realizing it.? And I’m thinking this can’t be normal.?

Here’s the scoop–I was? surfing a bunch of blogs, and my hubby brought me? my nightly? yummy? (yes, he really is the best husband in the whole world, slobbery be damned).? He just sets it down next to me, and without really paying much attention, I start drinking.? ? And drinking.? And drinking.? The next thing I know, I’m looking over to siphon the very last bit out with my straw,? and instead, I scream? “OH-MY-GOD-I-JUST-CONSUMED-THE-ENTIRE-CONTENTS-OF-AN-EPICLY-GINORMOUS-CHILIS-SHAKE-AND-NOW-IM-GOING-TO-HURL!”

Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly what I screamed, but it? made for a better story than “ARRRGGGGGGG!”, or whatever inanity? actually? emerged from my shake-drowned vocal chords.? But I did yell, because the sight before me was so horrible.? So terrifying.? What I was looking at was,? without? a? doubt, the? most enormous cup I have ever seen, outside of 7-11 or somebody sticking a straw in a gallon-sized jug of Natural Light (yes, I’ve seen it done, and no, it wasn’t pretty).? And more to the point, the cup was completely empty.

I kid you not.? I mean, if there’s one thing I know, its shakes.? And this, my friends, ? was no ordinary shake.? ? Not even close.? This was the motherload.? A virtual Behemoth in a Chili’s cup.? ? A freakin’ giant of chocolatey goodness.? That overgrown sucker seriously? must’ve weighed at? least five pounds, if not fifty.? All of which, thanks to my never-ending sweet tooth and preoccupation with the computer,? is now going to be permanently? embedded on my thighs.

I’d like to know–which Chili’s marketing genius came up with this stroke of brilliance?? Because if there’s one thing Americans surely need, it’s a 32 oz chocolate shake.? ? And if? I get? the guy’s? name, maybe I can send him? my lipo bill.

Exhibit A:? Yes, there really is a 32 oz Mega-Sized Chili’s shake (or there is when your 4 yr old asks the teenage girl working there for her phone number because he’d like to talk to her more – what up with that?)

Large Chili Chocolate Shake

Exhibit B:? Chili’s shake as compared to a normal sized cup (from the Target dollar bins, of course–my son likes to paint them)

Shake to Normal Cup Comparison

Exhibit C:? Oh, look—I saved a few chocolate sprinkles and a few drops of shake. I wonder if my tongue is long enough to? nab those? calories, too?

Empty Shake Cup

You know, in spite of the steroid shake, everything might have been okay—if I hadn’t just horked down those five cookies after lunch.? I knew removing them from my friend’s? premises would result in acts of utter depravity and gluttony.? And yet I couldn’t resist.

Exhibit D:? Yes, I really ate five of these.? And yes, I am that pathetic.

Yummy Cookie

So, I’m thinking—maybe the thing to do is start a yummy log here.? The idea being that since the concept of will power is as foreign to me as? the origins of a? Target dollar-bin goody, maybe I can shame myself into cutting back on the sugar.

So, there it is—the sad and frightening truth of my daily yummy-intake, coming soon to a blog near you.? Although I have a sinking feeling that, when? it comes to sugar, I am utterly shame-proof.

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Not-so-Tastefully Simple

Posted by houndrat on Saturday Jun 28, 2008 Under random stuff, Uncategorized

So, last night I went to one of those Tastefully Simple parties.? You know the ones—where they let you sample food in hopes you’ll? buy a ton of crap,? and somehow, if they sell enough, some random lady out in? the Midwest? scores a vanity-plate Hyundai.? No, that? can’t be right–it’s illegal to put a vanity plate on those.? At any rate, I don’t really care about the logistics.? All I care about are the yummies.

I know they? hate me at these things but? for some reason, they invite? me anyway.? The point is to sample the food.? Key word here?? Sample.? Me?? I? act like I’ve been subsisting on a diet of rats and toilet paper for the past ten years, and grab a handful of everything, stuffing as much into my mouth as I possibly can before the dirty looks I’m getting from the woman sitting next to me force me to pass the plate.?

Oh, bite me, I think.? We’re in SoCal–and Miss Manners don’t surf.?

Then, once the plate’s made its rounds, I hunt? it? down in the kitchen and eat some more.? Have I mentioned that I’m a yummy-addict?? But really, when you think about it, I’m just getting my green on.? Because if I don’t eat that stuff, it’ll just end up lining a land fill somewhere.? Or contribute to the child labor in China.? Or something along those lines.? ? ? Oh yeah–? and on my way back to my seat, I managed to finish off the box of toddler cookies sitting on the counter.? They went great with the key lime pie dip.

Honestly?? I just? don’t fit in at these things.? Apparently, its a no-no to ask? about the toxins, like BHT, in their salad dressings.? Who would’ve guessed?? Thankfully, I managed to keep my mouth shut.? This time.? But somebody else was commenting on how much “prettier” the produce is at a huge supermarket than at the local farmer’s market store, and how it stayed fresh soooo much longer.? Um, hello?? Ever heard of the word? preservatives?? ? No?? Then how ’bout chemicals?? ? I couldn’t resist jumping in on that.? Somehow, I also managed to work the merits of fermented vs. unfermented soybeans into a conversation.? Just call me the quintessential sample party guest.

And then there’s the drinking.? You know it’s sad when you have to use a Tastefully Simple party as an excuse to pound alcoholic beverages, but hey, my chances for a good margarita and no kids are few and far between.? And I wasn’t the only one.? ? Thank God the hostess? is was a friend, because the sampling started at 6:00 pm, and almost five hours later, five of us were still holding down the fort in her kitchen.? And we managed to clear every last beer out of her fridge.? Although, to be honest, I only consumed two of the drinks.? ? See, I’m a total light weight these days.? I’m thinking? my liver took enough of a beating in college, and now gets it’s revenge by making my head explode if I even? so much as glance? at a third beer.? Hey,? its progress.? For awhile there, I could have one Coor’s Light and still get a hangover.? And Coor’s Light isn’t even beer.

Of course, this morning, it’s not my liver that’s kicking my ass, it’s my stomach.? I guess there’s only so much dip, beer bread, and toxic salad dressing your belly can take it just one sitting.? And I’m thinking the toddler cookies pushed me over the edge.

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