? The? chances of those events occuring? in our house?? ? I’d say about as likely as the Pooper Scooper Fairy? paying us a visit, waving her wand,? and magically? making the gazillion pounds of canine manure? fertilizing our lawn disappear.? I mean, I think at one point we may have stuck a bag in the Diaper Champ, but who can be expected to remember such insignificant details every single time? (Well, bully for you.? Show off.)

? Now, say, if the Diaper Champ were actually a robot,? and could take our seemingly endless contribution to? America’s landfills out to the trash can all by itself—then we’d be talking.? Or maybe a? Diaper Nanny—I don’t need help with the kids (Well, not much, anyway.? Okay, so this is a flat-out lie, but humor me here—it makes for better reading)., but if Mary Poppins wanted to swing by every few hours to dump our diaper disasters, that’d be sweet.? Which is not a word I’d associate with the smell emanating from the discarded mound of diapers lying forlornly next to? the Diaper Champ.? So close, and yet, so far.

I assume what occurs in normal households (and I can only assume, since I don’t have firsthand experience with one of those) is something like this—Diaper Champ gets full, dirty dipes no longer fit inside, and somebody takes them out to the trash.? Seems simple enough, right?? Unless you live in our home, where my husband and I routinely engage in an endless? game of diaper chicken.? Basically,? we? see who can go the longest living amongst? the? stench of germinating baby bottom.? Once the Diaper Champ is full?? Well, we like to conserve energy (the kind that involves walking outside to the trash can) and so we pile diapers on top of the Diaper Champ, beside it, in the bathroom trash can, even on the fireplace mantle—basically, anywhere other than the proper receptacle.? Admittedly, we can’t close the bathroom or bedroom doors, lest the ammonia fumes knock us back 50 fifty upon entering.? But we can live with that.

Exhibit A:? Maxed-out Diaper Champ

Exhibit B:? The overflow

Exhibit C:? The overflow’s overflow

Exhibit D:? The evil mastermind behind it all

I really, really, really am planning to do the research and switch to cloth diapers this weekend.? Of course, I’ve said that for the past 8 weekends now, and you can see how far that’s gotten me.

At least the cloth dipes will be more colorful lying next to the Diaper Champ.