Enjoying Life with 3 Dogs, 2 Kids & an ADHD Husband.

Okay, so here’s another scene from The Demon Guard I worked on recently with my fellow AWers in FNW. (*shout out to my FNW peeps*).

The set-up: The MC Summer is in Magics class, where she and Shade are both in the magically-challenged group. She’s a little skeptical of Professor Taggert’s teaching methods. (Oops–should also add–she’s been hearing voices for the past few days.)

Taggert noticed Shade at the same time I did. “Mr. Freemont—that is no way to help yourself tap into your innate abilities. Please, set the pen down and close your eyes.”

Shade capped his pen with a huge flourish and closed his eyes. An instant later, he started humming under his breath. I tried not to snort when I recognized the tune: an old Police song called Every Little Thing She Does is Magic.

“Ms.Chance? The same goes for you.”

I hastily squeezed my own eyes shut.

Taggert’s raspy baritone suddenly turned soft and soothing. “Now, try to envision yourself in the most relaxing place you can imagine. For many it’s water, but some of you with an affinity for other elements might feel drawn to them. Just let your brain take you where it wants to go. Let your muscles relax. Your feet and toes, then your legs—release them. Let them drift away.”

His voiced continued in its mellow pitch, and surprisingly, my body followed his commands. My muscles relaxed and softened into liquid mush at his prompting, like I was lying in the backyard of our old house, soaking up the heat of the sun. A few moments later, and I felt Mom’s presence there, smiling down at me. Relief and happiness crashed over me in tranquil waves. So warm. So peaceful.

“Don’t chase the Magic—let it come to you. Let it slip softly into your mind, filling you up completely. Do you feel it?”

I felt—something. A distant humming, but soothing this time. Warmer.

“Good. Now, gently try to touch the Magic with your mind. Let it lead you to where it wants you to go.”

The humming grew louder. I was still in the backyard, but suddenly, I heard voices. Lots of voices. Some happy, some sad. More and more chimed in, until they filled my brain, expanded it. Too many voices. All shrieking, talking at the same time, commanding me to listen.

The voices intensified even more. They shoved against the inside of my skull, swooping with a crazed frenzy down into the rest of my body, until every inch of me thrummed with electric pain. The pressure—God. It was killing me. It was too loud. Too much.

A gut-wrenching scream stabbed into my head, drowning out the voices entirely. I ricocheted out of my chair and jerked my eyes open. Only to find my hands plastered over my ears, and the entire classroom staring. At me.

Okay, here’s another scene from the Demon Guard that I keep tweaking and am just not sure I’m nailing.  I’m wondering–is it a problem that I don’t let the reader know what the MC sees in the locker right away?  Do you feel detached from the action?  Any comments about that and anything else greatly appreciated–thanks!

After breakfast, we exited the cafeteria toward the main hallway.  I checked the papers Scruggs gave me yesterday and saw my locker number was 082.   “What’s your number?” I asked Cody, as we approached the first rows.

          He juggled his backpack in one hand while fumbling through it with the other.  “Let’s see.  363.  It’s around the corner—I scoped it out yesterday.”

           I squinted at the locker numbers in a huge, deserted alcove to my left.  “Well, looks like mine’s in here somewhere.  Catch you later?”  

          “Later.”  He started to walk off, but paused, smirking over his shoulder.  “Remember—a smile says ‘I’m approachable—I’d like to be your friend.’”  His voice was high and breathy, like some obnoxious Infomercial host peddling self-help DVDs. 

          I flipped him the bird.  “Oh yeah?  What does this say?”

          His laughter carried down the hall as he rounded the corner ahead.

          I waved good-bye to his back, then went in search of my locker.  Rows upon rows of gleaming stainless steel were tucked into the cavernous alcove. My eyes followed the numbers until I spotted 82 up on the highest row.  Nice.  At 5’2”, I wasn’t exactly a giant.  And the dim lighting in here wasn’t going to help much.  Peering up at the dial on my tiptoes, I tumbled the lock, following the combination on my paper.  It clicked on the first try.  

          I pulled open the door and started grabbing my books out of my bag, but paused just before sliding them in. There, in the far back corner, loomed a shadowy mass.  I sighed and pushed up even higher on my toes to get a better look.  All I could make out was a grayish blob.  Great.  Probably some moldy old hunk of food—hardly my idea of the perfect locker-warming gift.

          Gritting my teeth, I reached all the way back inside, flinching when my hand brushed against something moist and squishy.  Disgustingly squishy. I cursed the former owner while I used my fingertips to slide the blob toward the locker’s opening.  An instant later, I was jerking my hand away, choking down the stomach acid scorching my throat.

          No way.  It couldn’t be.

          Feeling an irrational need to distance myself, I stumbled back and averted my eyes. My heart pounded wildly in my ears.  Finally, after what felt like hours of deep breathing, I was ready to look again. Cautiously, I lifted my gaze to peer inside.

          The brain didn’t look any better the second time around, with its glistening, pinkish-gray bulges and twisting furrows. .  And no way in hell was I touching that thing bare-handed again.

Okay, here’s a scene I worked on a little the other night. I think it needs some more fine-tuning, so feel free to weigh in with your thoughts! 

“We’re going to have to call an ambulance, Shade. We can’t cover it up.”

My lips tightened in disgust. The good old boy policy, at work again. How much had Shade gotten away with in the past, without it ever being reported? All because his dad was on the Council?

Shade flashed an unconcerned grin. “Yeah? Oh well. I’m sure dear old dad will be happy to make it all go away.”

I frowned. The words themselves were cocky, but underneath it all, his tone sounded painfully bleak.

Just then, a harsh voice cut through the darkness. “Alright folks, show’s over. Everyone, please head back to your rooms. We’ll get this taken care of.” Professor Dawkins raced up the stone path, disheveled and grim. He’d thrown a coat on over a pair of plaid flannel pajamas, and his silver hair stuck out at odd angles from his head. I realized he must be the Professor on campus, the one required to stay as a precaution in case of emergencies. I guess pummeling other students half-to-death qualified.

Dawkins grabbed Shade by the arm. “You? Come with me.” He’d started tugging Shade away when the dark-haired kid struggled into a sitting position. He hacked a few times, a gurgling noise that made me squirm, then began speaking. At the sound of his voice, more ice slid down my back.

“You’re going to pay, Shade. I’ll destroy you.” It wasn’t so much his words—because, really, they sounded like a bad cartoon villain—as it was the eerie note of conviction that made my hair prickle uncomfortably against my skin. Seconds later, his eyelids fluttered and he thudded back onto the stone pavement.

As Dawkins led Shade away, he caught my gaze once again and winked. But this time, his wink seemed more like a cover-up than anything else. I frowned as I watched him being dragged off. Maybe Cody had been right. Maybe there really was something wrong with Shade. Something beyond his typical annoying personality quirks.

Watching them until they disappeared around the corner, I finally swiveled and pushed my way back into the dorm, almost barreling into Steph and Kenzie just inside the door. Good thing looks really couldn’t kill. If so, Steph’s glare would have decapitated me on the spot.

I tried to dodge around her—believe it or not, I wasn’t in the mood for a verbal war—but her manicured fingers snaked out to grab my arm. “You’d better stay away from Shade, if you know what’s good for you.”

The hum of voices in the lobby died off, while everyone around us unabashedly listened in. Not that I cared. I jerked my arm out of her hand. “Or what? You’ll ruin my reputation? Take away my dad’s livelihood? Put my mom in a coma? Oh wait—too late. That’s all happened already.” I drew in a deep breath, trying to rein in my temper. “Look, I have zero interest in Shade. And I have no idea how you still could, after that seriously disturbing display of aggression.”

“You don’t what Shade’s been through. It’s been rough for him.”

Kenzie ducked her head in embarrassment, but surprised me by speaking up. “Um, Steph? I think Summer has a pretty good idea.”

Steph’s swung around to face her, shock widening her eyes until she resembled a heavily made-up owl. “Are you serious? What does she know about being next in line for the Council, and the pressures of using all that power and stuff? Her family’s, like, nobody. Well, not anymore,” she corrected. As if my family tragedy was just an insignificant afterthought in her little high school drama.

Anger roared in my chest, so hot and fast I thought it might shoot out of my mouth like lava. My nails sliced into my palms. But instead of letting Steph bait me, possibly get me expelled, I mouthed “nice try” to Kenzie and stalked past. Shade’s demo in loss of control had been more than enough for one night.

. 

Okay, posting this excerpt.  Quite  a contrast to the tone of the one last week, I think.  Keep in mind, it’s the roughest yet–I need to go back and edit some of the cliches, etc.  That said, I’ll go ahead and post it.  Cheers!

“Hey, I need you to help me out.  Quick!” I hissed, jerking Cody’s sleeve.

          “Asking works, too.  What could possibly be so urgent that you have to rip my shirt to tell me?”

          “I need a decoy.”           

His brow creased.  “You mean, like a duck?”

          “What the—no, not a duck.  Freak.”  I choked back a laugh, in spite of my jittery nerves.  “I need someone to—crap!  Here he comes.  Look, just follow my lead, I don’t have time—“ I broke off and smashed my body against his, pressing my lips up to his mouth.

          He froze, his arms stiff metal rods at his side.  Wrapping my own arms around his neck, I tried sending him a mental message to do the same.  It failed.  “Put your arms around me—they’re coming, ” I hissed.  Still no response.  Finally, in desperation, I kicked him in the shin.

          “Oof!”   But at least he got the clue.  Well, sort of.  He rested his hands ever-so-gingerly on my hips.  Like if he held me closer, I might infect him with flesh-eating bacteria.

I held my breath against Cody’s stiff lips as Nate’s and Kenzie’s footsteps thudded closer, then paused.  After several tense moments, the footsteps finally retreated.  I shoved Cody away and expelled a disgusted sigh. 

          “Okay, that was seriously the lamest fake kiss—or any kiss, for that matter—that I’ve ever seen or experienced in my entire life.  What, do I smell bad or something?”  I raised my arm and sniffed, but the only aroma tickling my nose was the cherry blossom scent of my deodorant.  I frowned.  Maybe he had an aversion to fruit.

          Cody scrambled two steps back, his face registering shock.  “No, it’s not that, it’s—what the heck was that, anyway?  I thought I made it clear that we’re just friends.” 

          I threw my hands in the air.  “You idiot—I was trying to scare Nate away.  But still—that was weak.  I mean, I just sort of figured—“ I stopped, realizing how conceited that sounded.  No need to humiliate myself further.  Unfortunately, Cody took up where I left off.

          He leaned back against the stone wall, amusement starting to chase the surprise from his face.  “You figured what, exactly?  That I’d be thrilled to kiss you?  Sorry, but you’re not really my type. Oh, don’t worry—there’s nothing wrong with you.”  His smile turned derisive.  “It’s me. I’m just into someone else.”

          “Wait—oh my God—it’s Allie, isn’t it?  I knew it!  That would be so cool, the two of you as a couple.  Only—you can’t have date nights every night, because what would I do?” 

          He broke in before I could go off again.  “No, it’s not her.”

          “Then who?”  A hideous thought had my stomach lurching.  “Please, tell me it’s not Steph.  I’ve seen the way she looks at you, but I figured you had too much taste to fall for that Barbie hair and freakishly perfect body.” 

          He shook his head in exasperation.  “No, it’s not her either.  If you must know, it’s—“ He studied me for a moment, took a deep breath, then blurted it out. “Nate.  I have a crush on Nate.”

          My mind went blank.  It was like I heard his words, but somehow, they just didn’t compute.  “As in, Nate Nate?  Boy Nate?  My ex-Nate?”

          “Yes, as in that Nate.  I guess I should have told you this before, but I’m so used to keeping it secret, it was hard for me to let it out.  Summer—I’m gay.”

          I felt my jaw muscles working, but no sound made its way past my suddenly flaccid tongue.  Finally, I managed one measly squeak.  “Huh?”  And then, my speaking-ability returned.  Unforunately.  Because I cringed when I heard the words that escaped my mouth.  “But—you don’t even like Bravo TV!” 

Okay, folks, here’s an excerpt–I hope it’s not too long.  Plus, it’s SUPER ROUGH so hey, if you want to help me revise, feel free!    I don’t know if it needs much set-up.  Basically, she hacked this guy off and got him in trouble big time for spreading false rumors, and he’s out for revenge.  It’s a sub-plot of the book.  As always, comments welcome and appreciated!

Billy shoved me hard, tumbling me onto one of the beds.

I tried to bolt up as soon as I landed, but he was too quick for me.  He crashed down on top of me, smothering my face down into the bed, a handful of my hair gripped tightly in his hand.  I gagged on the comforter’s spring laundry detergent scent.  “Oh, you’re not going anywhere, Summer.  Not yet, anyway.  Did you really think I’d let you get away with it?  Some pathetic little traitor like you, ruining my reputation?  No way.”

He flipped me onto my back, and I followed his gaze down to his other hand.  A large hypodermic needle was clasped inside.  Panic rushed through me, and I struggled in earnest.  My fingernails stabbed for his eyes, but he punched me in the stomach and yanked hard on my hair.  The air rushed out of chest in one big spurt while my scalp screamed with pain.  A second later, the needle plunged into the inside of my arm.

I tried not to panic even more as I felt the cold liquid slide into my vein.  Concentrate.  What would I do if this were a test in Training Techniques?  Remembering Professor Dawkins instructions in class, I forced myself to go limp. 

It worked.  Billy’s grip on me slacked, ever-so-slightly.  Putting every ounce of effort behind it, I lunged to the side and twisted free.

I fell hard on the floor.  The side of my head hit with an audible clunk.  Wincing, I sprang to my feet and raced for the door.  But something weird started to happen before I reached it.  The closer I got, the further away the door seemed.  Almost like I was going in slow-motion through a fun house.  Finally, I reached the door knob—both of them.  I blinked.  Had there always been two?  That was weird.  I only had one in my room. 

What the hell?  I shook my head to clear the fuzziness that had suddenly invaded my mind.  Huge mistake.  The room tilted sickeningly.  I stumbled into the door, clutching the cold metal doorknob to keep from falling.  In the background, I heard Billy’s echoing laughter.

“Feeling a little off, Summer?  That’s to be expected—it’s the GHB.  It’ll get you every time.  Although, mine is a special blend.”

“G-athe-thbe?”  I tried to talk, but my tongue felt like it had swollen to the size of watermelon in my mouth.  “Whad thyou doo?”  My legs suddenly went limp, and I slid to the floor.  In one last desperate attempt, I pulled at the doorknob.  It didn’t budge.

“Oh, don’t bother with that.  I had it fixed to lock from the inside, just for this occasion.”  I tried to focus, and saw him dangling a silver object from his hand.  It could have been a key, but then, it was so blurry, it could have been a hacksaw for all I could tell.  Still.  It might be my only hope for escape.  I tried to stand, but my legs refused to support me.  I could hardly even feel them anymore.  So I started to crawl.

“Now, that’s what I like to see—Summer Chance on her hands and knees. I think it’s definitely time to cue up the video camera.  I’m going to prove to everyone that we slept together, and that you’re a liar.  Just like your mom.”

I watched both of him walk over to the dark shape in the middle of the room and heard a beep.  “Yes, that’s great.  Oh, and don’t worry—I can edit it later.  There won’t be any of this boring conversation in there when I post it on the web.”

Oh, God.  Horror invaded me, but it was hard to hang on to.  Because every other second my mind started drifting.  Vivid colors flashed in front of my eyes, turning his room into a techno club.  In a moment of clarity, I wondered how he thought he’d get away with this.  It’s not like I wouldn’t tell.

“Goin..butht..you.”  I managed.

His soft laughter sent chills down my spine.  “No, you won’t.  I’ve got that covered as well. Why do you think I’m not afraid to talk to you about this so much?  You’re not going to remember a thing.  Dad doesn’t know it, but his lab provided me with this wicked cool new drug.  It’s some memory tampering thing I stumbled upon when I was looking through his office.  Although, since I injected the GHB, it probably would have done the trick by itself.  Gee—hope it doesn’t totally fry your mind altogether.  Guess I should have thought of that beforehand—oopsies.”

I tried to concentrate, but the more he talked, the dizzier I got.  And then there was the voice.  The other voice, the one that spoke in my mind.  Only this one was even nastier than Billy’s.  It whispered vile things, so vile that I wanted to scream to keep from listening. Or just shut down.  Close my eyes, take a little nap.  Maybe I’d feel better when I woke up.

As I was starting to slip away, in the back of my head, I heard a new voice.  Not the vile one. No, this one was stronger, angry.  Something about that voice made me want to fight.  I jerked my head up, and mustering every last ounce of energy, forced a scream past my constricted throat.   It came out barely louder than a whisper.  Despair washed through me, sucking me down like an undercurrent.

Billy just laughed.  “Go ahead—scream away.  Nobody’s going to hear you.  There’s nobody even here.”

Two seconds later, the door crashed open.

I blinked up at the doorway, squinting blearily at the figure standing there.  I could barely see, but it didn’t matter.  I knew who it was.  “Thade,” I murmured.

          Just before my head hit the floor.