The Great Purge and Give-away

Posted by houndrat on Monday Jul 28, 2008 Under contest, family life, mommies, random stuff

The? great purge has finally arrived.? And it’s about time.

No, not that kind of purge–I enjoy my yummies entirely too much to sully their memory with the? flavor of? vomit.? Besides, we don’t clean our toilets enough for me to? chance? sticking my face inside ours on a daily basis.

No, I’m talking about a stuff purge.? As in, cleansing our home of the five zillion useless pieces of crap that clutter every square inch.?

Hubby and I have been vainly attempting to get organized for years.? And finally, it’s? dawned on us why even? the smallest drawer has thwarted our? most? Herculean efforts to? conquer it:

It’s all about the stuff.? Granted,? both hubby and myself? are utterly devoid of any organizational talents.? ? Not to mention, ? the thousands? of brain cells? we’ve sacrificed at? the altar of parenting haven’t helped our cause.? But,? really, people.? Surely? even the most organizationally-void? soul doesn’t clean their garage for an entire day, only to end up having it look like this:?

(And yes, the same totalled car? from over a year? ago is still in residence.? Talk to my husband, because I honestly don’t have an answer for you.? At least, not a coherent one.)

So, finally, after a stunning number of failures, we think we’ve excavated the? root of our issue.? See, it’s not just an organizational thing, it’s a stuff ? thing.? And we’ve got too much.? Stuff, that is.?

I know—for a couple with three and a half graduate degrees between us, it took long enough.? I mean, when your counters look like this, and your garage like this, you’d think anyone with an IQ over ten would have come to this conclusion years ago.? Let’s face it—even? the love child of Pamela Anderson and Dan Quayle? would have comprehended that there are simply not enough organizational devices? in the entire Northern hemisphere to encompass the vast amounts of junk taking refuge in our home.?

So, in a massively ginormous effort to both de-stressify and greenify our lives (hey, this is my blog, and thusly, I am granted the power of making up words as I see fit), we’ve decided to purge.? The plan?? Simple.? We sell some on craigslist, list some on freecycle, and give any leftovers? to charity.

Oh yeah, and I figured I could give some stuff away on my blog.? And here is the perfect place to start:

Yes, that is my closet.? Disgraceful, I know.? But just think—you can assist me in at long last determining the color? of the? carpet inside.? Assuming I actually have carpet in there.? And here’s how it works:

I’m going to be photographing various items I need gone and posting them here over the next month.? If you want that item, leave a comment.? At the end of a set period of time, which I’ll state in my post, I’ll randomly pick a winner and send them the item.? Oh, and feel free to leave a comment even if you don’t want the item–seriously, you won’t hurt my feelings.? Well, maybe just a little.? But I’ll get over it.? I mean, I am giving the item away after all, so logic dictates that I can’t be too attached.?

Then again, there are times when logic? is just? as elusive to me as the? plentitude of Pamela Anderson’s bosoms.

Anyway, I figure it’s a win-win-win situation here–I’m cleaning my house, you’re getting prizes, and we’re all recycling and saving the landfills.? And all joking aside—hubby and I are really serious about scaling down the material goods.

So, here’s the first item.? I honestly don’t think I ever bought this dress–is it possible my clothes are procreating in there?? ? Frankly,? it’s? just a wee bit too short for somebody getting ready to attend her 20- year high school reunion next month (yikes)!? The brand is Billabong, and it’s a size Medium, and never been worn (unless I wore it with the tag once, which, knowing me, is a distinct possibility.? Details are so not my thing).

And if you are one of those people who must see it on first, then here you go:

Love? it?? Need it?? Or absolutely detest it, but just want to get to know your mailman better?? Then leave me a comment.? You have until midnight Thursday.

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Pay It Forward Contest Winner!

Posted by houndrat on Wednesday Jul 9, 2008 Under contest, random stuff

Okay, so I realize I’m a little tardy on posting the winner of my Pay it Forward contest, but cut me some slack here—I’ve been super busy hunting up random junk in my house to send her.? Oh, what a lucky lady she is…..

And the winner is….Playful Professional!

As fate would have it, she happens to be the only one who mentioned homemade cookies in her comments.? Sigh.? I can’t make any promises, but I’ll give it my best shot.? Of course, there’s a good chance that I’ll ingest? all the cookies before any make it into the box.? But it’s the thought that counts.

So, I think I’ve got the “random” part of the prize covered, since I’ve? unearthed a plethora of treasures (and I use that term very loosely) while cleaning out the hall closet.? And “bizarre” and “useless” have been addressed as well.? I actually thought about sending Peanut to? fill those criteria at first, but then starting worrying about silly things.? You know, stuff like liability insurance. And decapitated postal workers.? I’m still working on the “cool”, and if it’s all the same to my winner, I think I’ll skip the “disgusting” altogether.? Although I’m pretty sure I could find something in my garage that fits the bill.? Like maybe a stray rat or two.

At any rate, I’m going to get to work throwing this prize package together, so I can get it out in the mail before Christmas.? I’ll take some photos too, and once it arrives I can post them.

Poor Playful Professional—I bet by this point she’s wishing she’d won somebody else’s contest.? With prizes guaranteed to be 100% rodent (and lunatic Rottweiler)-free.

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Chili’s goes super-size

Posted by houndrat on Wednesday Jul 2, 2008 Under contest, random stuff, Uncategorized

So, yesterday somebody mentioned they’d like to win home-made cookies.? (And yes, the Pay It Forward contest is still on, so keep leaving those comments!? You have until the 4th of July to enter.? Check out my post on Pay It Forward and Swistle for more details).

I seriously considered adding some fresh yummies into the prize package.? Except when I bake, I taste.? And not one or two cookies—we’re talking major tastage here.? As in, half the batch? is vacationing in? Tummy Town long before the baking sheet? has time to? cool.

Which usually wouldn’t faze me.? But, here’s the deal—folks, I just hoovered? a Super Big Gulp-sized? Chili’s shake last night, without even realizing it.? And I’m thinking this can’t be normal.?

Here’s the scoop–I was? surfing a bunch of blogs, and my hubby brought me? my nightly? yummy? (yes, he really is the best husband in the whole world, slobbery be damned).? He just sets it down next to me, and without really paying much attention, I start drinking.? ? And drinking.? And drinking.? The next thing I know, I’m looking over to siphon the very last bit out with my straw,? and instead, I scream? “OH-MY-GOD-I-JUST-CONSUMED-THE-ENTIRE-CONTENTS-OF-AN-EPICLY-GINORMOUS-CHILIS-SHAKE-AND-NOW-IM-GOING-TO-HURL!”

Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly what I screamed, but it? made for a better story than “ARRRGGGGGGG!”, or whatever inanity? actually? emerged from my shake-drowned vocal chords.? But I did yell, because the sight before me was so horrible.? So terrifying.? What I was looking at was,? without? a? doubt, the? most enormous cup I have ever seen, outside of 7-11 or somebody sticking a straw in a gallon-sized jug of Natural Light (yes, I’ve seen it done, and no, it wasn’t pretty).? And more to the point, the cup was completely empty.

I kid you not.? I mean, if there’s one thing I know, its shakes.? And this, my friends, ? was no ordinary shake.? ? Not even close.? This was the motherload.? A virtual Behemoth in a Chili’s cup.? ? A freakin’ giant of chocolatey goodness.? That overgrown sucker seriously? must’ve weighed at? least five pounds, if not fifty.? All of which, thanks to my never-ending sweet tooth and preoccupation with the computer,? is now going to be permanently? embedded on my thighs.

I’d like to know–which Chili’s marketing genius came up with this stroke of brilliance?? Because if there’s one thing Americans surely need, it’s a 32 oz chocolate shake.? ? And if? I get? the guy’s? name, maybe I can send him? my lipo bill.

Exhibit A:? Yes, there really is a 32 oz Mega-Sized Chili’s shake (or there is when your 4 yr old asks the teenage girl working there for her phone number because he’d like to talk to her more – what up with that?)

Large Chili Chocolate Shake

Exhibit B:? Chili’s shake as compared to a normal sized cup (from the Target dollar bins, of course–my son likes to paint them)

Shake to Normal Cup Comparison

Exhibit C:? Oh, look—I saved a few chocolate sprinkles and a few drops of shake. I wonder if my tongue is long enough to? nab those? calories, too?

Empty Shake Cup

You know, in spite of the steroid shake, everything might have been okay—if I hadn’t just horked down those five cookies after lunch.? I knew removing them from my friend’s? premises would result in acts of utter depravity and gluttony.? And yet I couldn’t resist.

Exhibit D:? Yes, I really ate five of these.? And yes, I am that pathetic.

Yummy Cookie

So, I’m thinking—maybe the thing to do is start a yummy log here.? The idea being that since the concept of will power is as foreign to me as? the origins of a? Target dollar-bin goody, maybe I can shame myself into cutting back on the sugar.

So, there it is—the sad and frightening truth of my daily yummy-intake, coming soon to a blog near you.? Although I have a sinking feeling that, when? it comes to sugar, I am utterly shame-proof.

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