Twilight versus Buffy–still slaying me after all these years

Posted by houndrat on Sunday Jan 11, 2009 Under Uncategorized

So I’m now halfway into my second season of Buffy (for like, the? bazillionth time).? And not to be rude but, um,? Ms. Meyer?? ? You ain’t got nothing on Whedon in the tragic romance department.? That Joss–his brain must be twisted in an uber-twisty kind of way.? I’m just saying.? I mean, how else do you come up with a storyline where the vampire slayer falls in love with a vampire named Angel?? A vampire, who, due to an ancient gypsy curse, had his soul restored and has been suffering for the past? century until he meets and falls in love with Buffy, the one person who should be his arch-nemesis?? And then,? just because he? experiences a moment of pure happiness (think true love and teenage hormones and you’ll get the picture of how thatoccurs), the curse is broken and he reverts back to his former soulless, evil, torture-loving alter ego, Angeles.? You know, the one who (and I paraphrase) offered an ugly death to everyone he met for over a hundred years–and he did it with a song in his heart.?

So obviously Buffy, being? the slayer and all,? has to try to stop him.? But you know, it’s one thing to break up with your boyfriend, and another? thing entirely to turn him into a big pile of dust by stabbing him through the heart with a sharp pointy stick.? You think that’d be tear-jerking enough, right?? ? Oh no, not for Whedon.? Like some gruesome Big Bad from the Buffysphere, he couldn’t stop until our still-beating hearts were completely ripped from our chests and stomped on a few hundred times.? Because,? at the end of Season Two,? the curse and? Angel’s soul are restored—just moments? before Buffy has to kill him to save the world.? Talk about future emotional baggage.? So, Joss?? You may be genius-like and all, but please, do me a favor–don’t? go writing my future anytime soon.

Seriously, though, for those of you who have never watched Buffy before?? It’s worth a look.? I mean, even beyond the tragediest of tragedies, Whedon has? tons to offer.? The Buffy-banter alone–some of the funniest, hippest dialogue ever produced, bar none–makes this show entirely too addicting.? Yes, the special effects in the first season are unbelievably low-budge, but it just adds to the? campiness of the whole experience.?

? And how can you resist the supporting cast?? Xander, for instance, the nerdy side-kick who says stuff like,? “I laugh in the face of danger.? Then I hide until it does away,”? and “? I don’t know what everyone’s talking about–that outfit doesn’t make you look like a hooker.”? And then there’s always,? “There’s a party in my eye socket, and everyone’s invited.”? (Um, okay, so that last one is sort of a ‘had to be there’ type deal.)

And bitchy, popular Cordelia was always good for a line or two–”What is? your childhood trauma?” comes to mind.? Oh, and “Willow–nice dress.? Glad to know you’ve seen the softer side of Sears.”

I could seriously be writing for a week straight if I tried to include all of the great Buffyisms out there.? But since I think the kiddage would object, I’ll just throw out a few more favorites that pop immediately to mind.? If you’re? a Buffy fanatic, feel free to leave your favs in the comment section.

Buffy:

“Can you vague that up for me a little more?”

“I think I speak for all of us when I say…huh?”

“I may be dead, but I’m still pretty—which is more than I can say for you.”

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Spike is always good for some hilarious lines, but one of my personal favorites is when Buffy commands him to sum up what he’s doing in five words or less. ? Spike, counting each word out on his fingers, says, “Out. For. A. Walk….Bitch.”

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Or here’s this excerpt from a conversation with Angeles about killing Buffy:

Spike: ? Why don’t you rip her lungs out? ? That’ll leave an impression.

Angeles: ? It lacks poetry.

Spike: ? Doesn’t have to. ? What rhymes with ‘lungs’?

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And of course, some of the best ones are totally random. ? For instance:

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Vampire Girl: ? Does this sweater make me look fat?

Sunday: ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? No, the fact that you’re fat makes you look fat. ? That sweater just makes you look purple.

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Girl: ? Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?

Buffy: ? Uh, you know, I meant to, and then I just got really busy.

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Buffy: ? I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.

Oz:? ? ? ? But at least you’re not a rat any more. ? Call it an upside.

But, I do have to say, Meyer’s got? Whedon on the endings. Unless you’re into ‘lonely-ever-after’.? ? Because when it comes to? giving us what we want in terms of a romantic conclusion?? ? Well, let me put it into Buffyspeak. Basically, on a scale of one to ten—Whedon sucks.

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