Wii Wii Wii all the way home

Posted by houndrat on Sunday Nov 30, 2008 Under babies, family life, health, mommies, Uncategorized

Oh yeah.? There’s nothing like a baby on a time change to? put a little extra spring? in your step.? Or a little? extra baggage? under your eyes.? No, really–I enjoy waking up at 4:45 in the morning.? Almost as much as I enjoy cutting hound dog toenails.? It just hacks me off a? teensy weensy? bit that she goes back to sleep instantly, whereas I toss and turn, beat my pillow, and check the clock every five minutes in? some? sort of psychotic, sleep-deprived, delirium-induced ritual.? Hopefully this is not indicative of what to expect for the upcoming month.? Because there’s nothing worse than? a grumpy Santa.? Bah humbug, already.

So, I just had a birthday the day after Thanksgiving.? Which was actually quite nice, once we got past? the baby plane vomiting incident.? And no,? I did not turn 45, regardless of what the stinkin’ Wii fit says.? That has got to be the most masochistic birthday present ever.? I mean, I did ask for one, which demonstrates that? I’m obviously a glutton for punishment.? But seriously, to add 7 years to my actual age just because I can’t stand on one leg and balance without my foot looking like it’s having a seizure?? Totally unfair.? It’s not like the darn thing can actually see my wrinkles.? Or can it?? CAN IT?? And I fail to see what’s wrong with missing a measly eight gates on the downhill slalom game.? I mean, if they were all that important, they should really think about putting them closer together.? Like in a straight line.

I don’t know about you, but so far, I’m finding 38 to be a bit of an awkward age.? It’s too old for mini-skirts, yet too young for a mid-life crisis.? Maybe I could combine the two and have a mini? crisis.? Which is in the works if that baby keeps waking me up butt early.? How can I be expected to assume crazy? balancing poses? when I can barely keep my eyes open?? On second thought, maybe I should try closing them the next time I slalom–it could only be an improvement.

I guess I’ll give? the Wii fit another chance–’tis the season, after all.? But seriously–if I see “Wow, your wrinkles look way more pronounced this morning–Add five more years to your Wii age,” up on the screen, I’m getting out the jackhammer.

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Today started out much the same as any other day? except that my husband stayed home from work. Why?Because the two of us have? turned procrastination into an art form.

In a roundabout way, my husand? took a day off work due to our failure to? file? our ’07 taxes.? You may remember that we, or more correctly, I, birthed our? second child? at home.? Supportive as my husband was, I don’t recall him straining his nether regions for hours attempting to push our 9+ lb daughter’s head into the world.? Private parts aside, when you deliver your child at home, you must apply for a birth certificate through the? Office of Vital Statistics, presumably to make sure you and your child are actually legal residents of the state of California.?

Personally, I fail to see how this all works.? Us homebirthers have to cough up three proofs of address,? three notarized affadavits as proof of preganancy and residence, and a bunch of other completely nonsensical papers.? When I had my son at the hospital?? I’m pretty sure I just filled out? this two-minute? form and paid my hospital bills and they were all like, “Okay, here you go–your son’s all legal and stuff.”? ? Obviously, I need to send the midwives of our state some industrial strength backscratchers and? then? thrust? them forth into the governement offices, to perform a few backdoor deals of their own.

The? government? generously grants you a year to apply for the birth certificate before you have to appear in court and explain to the judge why you are so lazy and imcompetent that even with a twelve month allowance, you failed to drag your sorry ass? and that of your infant to the designated government? office.?

So yes, we pushed it a little close for comfort.? In fact, had we been participating in a drinking game in which every time our government worker tsked or commented on how LONG we waited to get our daughter’s birth certificate, pink elephants would have started appearing.? But really–we did have over a month to spare.? I guess the converse of that is we waited eleven months to get the certificate.? And truth be told, we weren’t really motivated by concern for our daughter’s legal status, but rather, by greed.? Not only is that second baby a big tax write-off, but we want us some of good old Georgie’s economic stimulus money as well.? I figure it will buy my Orange County commuting husband about one day’s worth of gas.

So most likely our tardiness in procuring the most important document our daughter will ever possess alone grants us the imcompetent parents of the year award.? And then there’s the part where later that same day, my husband? shatters our coffee table and manages to bleed all over my son and the rest of our house, right before people are? scheduled? to take a class in? our home, except they’re really not because I got the date wrong.? But that’s going to have to be part two—all that bleeding and tsking and goverment office smell makes me sleepy.


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more on the FDA, aspartame and bovine growth hormone

Posted by houndrat on Friday Feb 15, 2008 Under health

So, why don’t I trust the FDA?? I’ve got two words for you—aspartame and bovine growth hormone.? Okay, so maybe my counting skills are lacking, but my research skills aren’t.? And it doesn’t take much searching to figure out that the FDA blew it big time when it approved the? alternative sweetener? half the? country is addicted to and the cow hormone injections? routinely ingested by our children.

So, you think NutraSweet? is safe, just because our government approved? it for use in foods and drinks?? ? Please.? If you’re buying that load of hooey, then please, come buy our Southern California house at the premium we paid for it over two years ago.? Scout’s honor—it’s worth at least as much as the FDA’s word on chemical sweeteners.

For example, did you know that some of the ingredients in aspartame convert to formaldehyde in your body?? And if you did, were you then aware that formaldehyde is a Class-A carcinogen?? ? So, every time you take a sip of that diet soda, you’re taking a little sip of the main ingredient in embalming fluid.? I guess it’s sort of ironic, in a way, because if you drink enough of it over time, you might be the next one requiring the services of a good undertaker.? ? So, how refreshing is that fizzing super-sized cup of toxic chemicals looking now?

Also, were you aware that aspartame acts as a neuro-exciter, and in all likelihood over-stimulates brain cells—to their death?? ? I mean, if I’m going to whack some brain cells, at least give me a good buzz and some pink elephants to go with it.? Hey, and there’s even better news.? Apparently, this effect is cumulative over time.? So, if you want to do a little science experiment on your brain, keep chugging those 64 oz Super Big Gulps and see what happens.

Where does the FDA fit in?? Well, to start with, they banned the stuff for 8 years.? Sounds good so far?? Yeah, just wait.? Eventually, the head of the FDA approved the stuff.? ? Why?? Gee, I don’t know.? Taking a big, bloody stab in the dark—perhaps it had something to do with? him then jumping ship and joining the aspartame folks’ public relations firm for oodles of money.? ? Coincidence, oh yee-of-too-much faith muses?? There’s more.? The government lawyers who dismissed the case against the aspartame folks’ then went to work for their? law firm.? Again, oodles of money were involved.? Not ready to jump off the FDA band wagon yet?? Then alas, I fear you are already suffering from the effects of excessive Equal consumption.? Feel free to read the entire story about aspartame and the FDA, as well as side-effects.?

Now, I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy about the good ole Food and Drug Administration.? Either they’re incompetent, unscrupulous, or, as I suspect, a little of both.? I mean, by far and away aspartame has the most adverse effects reported to the FDA every year.? Do you really think if this was something that didn’t make billions of dollars it would still be on the market?? But with Monsanto and the diet soda industry involved, good luck getting it removed.? Just don’t be surprised when the people at the FDA and Diet Pepsi start to invest heavily in cancer drugs.?

And then comes the bovine growth hormone.? It’s basically the same old story.? The bottom line?? FDA goofs, American public pays.? If you haven’t watched the youtubevideo on the subject yet (maybe you missed it in my? previous? blog), now’s the time.

Yes, I’m a little bitter.? See, when I buy my milk, I’m not really looking for a hormone and antibiotic cocktail.? Why the antibiotics?? Because the growth hormone approved by the FDA causes mastitis in the cows, which in turn requires antibiotics.? And we’re not talking a few doses.? Basically, the homrones necessitate the cows to be on antibiotics for the entirety of their milking existence.? A really nice side-effect of all this? Our new antibiotic resistant cooties.? Not to mention the possible health effects of the hormones in and of themselves.? Hey, it’s not good enough for Canada, but Americans will drink it.? They’ll drink anything.?

I’m sure you’re familiar with the old saying—you are what you eat.? Well, I guess all I’m saying is I don’t want to be a cancer-ridden, brain-cell deficient, hormone and antibiotic-laden freakshow, courtesy of our very own FDA.

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bovine growth hormone, FDA, and Fox News

Posted by houndrat on Tuesday Feb 12, 2008 Under health

Anyone who hasn’t watched the video on the Fox News whistle blowers in Miami, regarding bovine growth hormone,? needs to.

? As if I needed another compelling reason not to trust the FDA.? Or the news.

And then there’s Monsanto, a lovely company that brought us the safe, healthy treats (read sarcasm here) of aspartame, hormone-laden milk, and genetically-modified produce.? Yum.

More to come.? I just wanted to get this link out there asap.

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