I Got Published, and A Day in the Life of Fergie

Posted by houndrat on Wednesday Jul 30, 2008 Under dogs, random stuff, Ridgebacks

Not too long ago, I sent in an article to eharmony, in hopes of getting a writing gig.? Guess what?? I-Got-Published!

Okay, so it’s not like I’m going to be short-listed for the Pulitzer or anything.? Or even that I finally? finished that heinous? romance novel I started over five years ago (poor Drake and Sophie–they at least deserve some kind of closure!)?

But I’m excited about it anyway.? Besides, as a mom, I’ve been pretty much indoctrinated in how to celebrate the mundane.? ? Such as? all those times I cheered like a crazy woman? upon? discovering poop? in the potty.? Or when I do the happy dance because my son chooses a tissue upon which to wipe his weeping mucous membranes, rather than his sleeve.? Or the couch.? Or even the hound dogs (poor Skye).?

I mean, surely, if? human feces and boogers? can make me? pump my fist? in triumph, then you can pretty much guarantee I can get excited about anything.?

So awhile ago, I wrote an article on dating (yeah, funny one, I know) in San Diego.? As it turns out, they chose? nine writers out of over a thousand submissions, and for some crazy reason, I happened to be one of them.? And, I’m actually getting PAID to do it.

Without further ado, here is the link to my article.? Actually, there’s just a? teensy weensy? little more? ado to be had.? A small precaution, really—you see, here’s the part where I tell you how truly awful my article is, in the hopes that your diminished expectations might be ever-so-slightly exceeded.? Seriously, though, if you’re seeking an introspective, erudite discussion on the philosophy and conundrums of procuring romantic partners in Southern California, you? shouldn’t even think for a millisecond about clicking this link? but instead,? make a beeline? for your local library (Only, don’t check out? fifty books and then promptly forget about? them for over two months.? As I recently discovered, librarian types? tend to frown on that.? Plus, you? can buy your own? bookstore for less than the overdue fees.)


And, since my brain doesn’t understand the term “linear” at all, here are some photos that have absolutely nothing to do with dating in San Diego.? ? I caught Fergie being, well, Fergie, about a few hundred times today.?

I like to call this ensemble, “A Day in the Life of Fergie:? So Many No-No’s, So Little Time.”

Hmmm, anything tasty by the sink?

The approach….

The kill….Um, hello, does she not see me standing RIGHT HERE???

Same bowl, different snack time.? Are you kidding me?? And I’m still standing RIGHT HERE!

And now for the trash:

What have we here?? Mommy’s used snot rag?? Score!

Aha–my favorite dessert!

I promise you, the dog really does get fed.? And sometimes, even digestable stuff.


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Wordless Wednesday…Let sleeping dogs, er, babies, lie

Posted by houndrat on Tuesday Jul 29, 2008 Under babies, dogs, kids, wordless wednesday

Oops–just a few words first.? Don’t forget to enter my contest–it ends Thursday night (and a new one will begin).

As far as WW goes, Just call me indecisive…..



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Using cloth diapers….as dog hats

Posted by houndrat on Sunday Jul 27, 2008 Under dogs, family life, random stuff

So, I’m thinking this is not what the Happy Heiny’s manufacturer intended when they called this diaper an “all-in-one”.? But really—doesn’t it make a perfect hat??

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Wordless Wednesday…..Dogs and kids

Posted by houndrat on Wednesday Jul 16, 2008 Under babies, dogs, kids, wordless wednesday

….and just in the nick of time!

“Hound dogs make the best friends”

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What NOT to do when attempting the word challenge:

1)? Do not pronounce the word with all the clarity of someone who just downed a pitcher of Everclear martinis.? People will look at you like you’ve been smoking crack in a closet for the past five years.

2)? Do not be foolish enough to choose two words if you are easily confused.? Uttering “callipygian” at the grocery store probably isn’t wise, as I’m fairly certain even the? most well-shaped? watermelons do not have buttocks.

3)? Do not forget your words, and thus mangle them into some kind of non-existent hybrid-word.? For example, “Brobdingnagian” and “callipygian” are difficult enough by themselves.? Creating “Brobipygian” is not only completely unnecessary, but makes you sound like you just immigrated from Mars.? And the cashier at the pet food store will stare at you.

So, in the interest of maintaining? a few remaining shreds of dignity, I’m going to practice? my words a? couple thousand times before breaking them out in public again.

Apropros of nothing, here are some? photos my hubby took over the weekend:

Believe it or not, I was there first.? Apparently, the only good spot can be obtained by squishing in-between me and the side of the couch.

I suppose the other couch was toxic or something, because notice how many hound dogs are on it:

Guess who finally moved?? Worthless Ridgebacks.? Oh, so sorry to have disturbed you, Skye…….

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Happy 4th of July

Posted by houndrat on Friday Jul 4, 2008 Under dogs, family life, Uncategorized

Happy 4th of July, from the gang (and the Target dollar bins)!

Skye:? Mom should be banned from Target.

Fergie:? I sure hope this visor’s tasty.? Then again, I eat beer cans.

Peanut:? I’m pretty sure I like visors about as much as I like bunny ears.? Notice my demented look?? Oh wait—I always look like this.

Peanut:? Getting angry now…..

Peanut:? Wait a second—aren’t you the one who put this thing on my head?

Peanut:? Yeah, that’s right—-RUN!

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Target dollar bin junkie

Posted by houndrat on Thursday Jun 26, 2008 Under dogs, family life, random stuff

I have a confession to make—I’m a Target dollar bin junkie.? I? seriously must have? the biggest collection of their random holiday crap on the face of the planet.? ? When I see all those little holiday knick-knacks, thingamajigs, and doo-hickeys, I just lose it.? I don’t care? that they’re utterly useless, that they’re going to fall apart as soon as I get home, or even that? they’re made in China, and probably letting off enough toxic emissions to blow up our house.? I don’t even care that for all I know, they’re lining those suckers with crack. I just have to have them.? All of them.

And I had every intention of putting this special Target purchase on my daughter for an Easter photo.? Of course, they immediately got devoured by my closet, never to be seen again.? Until today.? Come to think of it, I forgot Easter photos entirely.? Oh well, there’s always Christmas.? And as long as a Santa Bunny craze is sweeping the nation this year, I’m all set.

At any rate, I’ve decided to get my money’s worth out of these things.? ? I like to think of it as an unconventional? temperament test.

Skye:? You bore me with your undignified human tomfoolery.

Now I’m ignoring you.

Fergie:? Yeah, yeah, this is great.? So when do I get to eat them?

Finley:? ? Yeah, yeah, this is great.? So when do? I get to eat them?

Peanut:? I hate bunny ears.? Come to think of it, I hate cameras.? And photographers.? In fact, you have exactly three seconds to start running.

See?? Those Target dollar bins really are useful.? You just have to be creative.

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Baby’s first solids—so much for planning

Posted by houndrat on Sunday Jun 22, 2008 Under babies, dogs, family life

I forgot to mention—another big thing that happened while were in Colorado?? Finley started solids.

? Well, that’s not 100% accurate.? Actually, my baby started solids when we were in Utah, before we got to Colorado.

Here I was, so proud of myself for delaying solids.? Not that I started Connor super early—he pigged out on his first bowl of rice cereal right at six months.? But this time, I wanted to be more patient.? I waited.? And waited.? And researched.? I carefully read all the websites and articles, and then picked out a few things to start with.? No overly processed grains for my little girl, no sir.? I was going to start with wholesome organic avocado, bananas, and maybe a little sweet potato.? And I was going to wait until around eight months.

So, what happened in Utah?? Well, apparently, Finley wasn’t interested in waiting.? ? Basically,? she decided to take matters into her own little hands and feed herself.? ? Of course, her choice? didn’t quite make my list of top ten super baby foods.

Instead, Finley’s first foods were comprised of this:

In case you’re wondering, “this” is a dog toy that Fergie won lure coursing.? Fergie, being the dainty little hound that she is, promptly destroyed it in about three seconds flat once we got back to the hotel room.? Of course, the fuzzy stuffing exploded everywhere, and I obviously missed a few of the fuzz balls.? So Finley just helped herself.? Yum.

She followed that meal the next day with a bit of paper, at which time I threw in the towel and decided to start her on real solids.? You know, the kind she might actually be able to digest.

Here are a few photos from Colorado of Leo and Fergie helping “clean her up” after she dined on some bananas.? ? So thoughtful of them.

? Oh, and for the record?? This is what Finley thinks of avocado:

I guess the dog toy was tastier.

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More on my trip to Colorado–6 dogs, 1 kid, and a baby

Posted by houndrat on Thursday Jun 19, 2008 Under dogs, family life

So, back to my 3-week trip to Colorado, kids and dogs in tow, sans hubby.? (Yes, I realize, I must be certifiable.? Then again, if you’ve read much of this blog ((or even one other post)) you’re probably already familiar with that neurotic and crazy? place I like to call my brain.)

You may know this already—I think most sane folks do.? But just in case you don’t, let me just state for the record—taking a ten hour road trip following a lure coursing weekend with two kids and six dogs, from Utah to Colorado?? Not the brightest idea.? To be honest, the kids did pretty well (except for maybe the time when Connor dumped his water on Fergie’s head).? But I certainly don’t think any of us would classify it as a treat.

Did I mention yet that? my 7-month old daughter decided to start crawling and standing right before we left?? How very thoughtful of her.? Especially in light of the fact that my parent’s house contains possibly the steepest staircase in all of the Western hemisphere.? And it goes down to the basement.? ? Also, for reasons unknown to me, their kitchen chairs have rollers on them.? Yes, rollers.? It should be illegal.? And their coffee table?? Bi-level and glass topped—just the right height for a baby tunnel.? All of this, of course, made for great fun.? I think Finley had a bruise on her forehead within milliseconds of our arrival.

And then there were the dogs.? All five or six of them, depending on the day.? And that’s not counting the other? four or five at my aunt’s house.? Hounds galore.? Yes, they did have their own “dog room”, which is actually about ten times? larger than any of the human guest rooms (I see where the humans figure in to my parents’ equation), complete with nice white pillars, a mirror (those Ridgebacks are quite vain, you know), carpeting, and of course, a slider and French doors.

It was? great that the dogs could be sequestered to their own space when the kids were sleeping. Except, during this trip, I learned something.? I learned that we have some of the nicest puppy owners ever.? Why?? Because they’ve never once to complained to us about Leo, who just happens to be Fergie’s liver nosed litter mate.? And let me tell you a little something about Leo.?  He is, without? doubt, the noisiest Ridgeback on the face of the earth. And I’ve lived with his mom Sunni, so I know about noisy Ridgebacks. You see, when Leo wakes up, Leo lets you know. When Leo wants outside, he lets you know.? Of course, if Leo is outside, he usually wants inside. And yep, he lets you know that, too.  He lets you know when it’s breakfast time, he lets you know when it’s dinner time.  And when there’s nothing else going on? Well, Leo just likes to let you know he’s alive. All I can say is, thank god my mom bought some white noise-makers for our rooms.  My kids are pretty good sleepers, but heck, it’s challenging for even good sleepers to snooze when they’re being serenaded in the morning by the Happy Hound.

Leo is lucky that, like the Ferganator, he’s also about the sweetest Ridgeback on the face of the earth.  Plus, he’s quite the kennel decorator. And so generous with his skills–not only would he pull his own cover into his crate, but often, the covers of the dogs on either side of him as well. I’m sure Skye and Sunni were thrilled.

I have to admit, the five acre backyard was great for my son.? Although I’m not sure my mom was super jazzed about the million or so pine cones and rocks he collected and arranged on her dining table.? Or the fact that he liked to roll in the dirt.? In his pajamas.

And of course, there was the dog show weekend, thrown in to make things even more exciting. I was trying to juggle the four dogs I was showing, help make sure the other three my aunt was showing were okay, call my dad to check on the kids, and still manage to squeeze in a few minutes to use the old breast pump once in awhile (thank you , Patty, for the use of your motor-home–you’re a lifesaver!) And people wonder why I don’t get to many dog events any more—sheesh.

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This ain’t no vacation, folks…..

Posted by houndrat on Monday Jun 9, 2008 Under dogs, family life, husbands

In case anyone was wondering, no, I am not on vacation. Unless your idea of a great holiday is flying to Utah with a 7-month old on your lap, landing and driving 40 minutes to the hotel, at which time you meet up with your 4 yr old, who just rode 12+ hours in the car with grandpa and 3 Ridgebacks, and is as wired as somebody who just mainlined five pounds of sugar mixed with crack. And this is just the first few hours.

But it gets better. Then, you are lucky enough to share a hotel room with your parents, your two kids, and three hound dogs, one of which is about as quiet as a building-full of screaming toddlers. And for the next three days, you get to rise and shine at the blink of dawn, all to take said hound dogs, not to mention the other three dogs in your aunt’s room across the hall, to a dog event known as lure coursing. Sound fancy? Well, basically, it’s three dogs chasing a piece of white plastic bag all over a few acres of dirt. All the while, you’re trying to balance both kids naps, keep dry from the random rainstorms that blow through, and not absorb all of the dirt in the state of Utah into your pores. And of course, you happen to have the only naughty hounds that don’t come when the race is over, so you have to chase them all over creation just to get them off the field.

And that was just the first three days.

I’m thinking they’re not going to booking this as a 5-star get-away anytime soon.

All the while, hubby is lounging away at home, blissfully soaking up the silence (well, except for his night-growling Rottweiler), hitting golf balls, and drinking beer. And befouling my blog.

Does this seem fair to you?

More to come, inlcuding photos from this so-called “vacation”………

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