Teaser Tuesday–Family Matters

Posted by houndrat on Tuesday Apr 27, 2010 Under writing, Young Adult

Just a little snippet I wrote a few minutes ago! Hope you enjoy!

“Taylor? Hey hon, how was your day?”

I pause, stare at the ceiling. Wonder briefly what she’d say if I told her the truth—that I’d had an epic sized freak-out in English, purposely shunned everyone at lunch, and told the only semi-decent guy I’d met in ages to fuck off. But that would ruin the whole façade of how well our family is coping with everything. I mean, God forbid Mom ever admit that her life might be less than perfect.

I toss a believable smile over my shoulder. Thanks to Mom, I’ve been a pro at faking them for years. “Oh, it was great.”

“Did you make any new friends? Join any clubs?”

“I’m still…scoping things out.”

“Well…just don’t wait too long.”

Worry lines distort the skin over her nose, and I feel a pang of regret. I shouldn’t be so hard on her. I know she loves me. She tries, anyway. It’s just that she mistakes being overly involved in the details of my social life for some crazy deep bond. But I can’t share important stuff. I can’t. Talking, really talking, would mean admitting there’s a problem in the first place. And if we had a family motto? It would totally be: ignore it until it goes away.

Relief strips the tightness from my chest once the door to my room clicks shut. I kick off my shoes and burrow into my bed. Finally relax in the peace that comes from not playing a role.

When I’m by myself it’s like I’m shedding a fake skin, sloughing off the pretense of being okay until it crumples into shriveled little pieces all around me. My down comforter doesn’t give a damn if I’m something less than perfect. Flawed.

Broken.

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19 Responses to “Teaser Tuesday–Family Matters”

  1. Akin Says:

    Man, this amazing. Felt everything your MC was feeling through out. And you are so good at this first person pov, Im envious. You said you just wrote this? Come on, don’t be modest :D

  2. Francis Kimani Says:

    Your mom will always worry about you, and you may find that sooner or later you will share with her more that you are doing now. She could even read this post. Thanks for sharing with us.

  3. Kaitlin Says:

    Awesome!! You ROCK. Makes me completely curious to know what else is going on that’s making her feel this way.

  4. Bee Says:

    Great voice. and the internal monologue is pitched just right. Awesome!

  5. Karla Nellenbach Says:

    i love your MC’s voice. it’s so gritty and real. Great snip!

  6. Becca Says:

    As always, love the details you put into your work. ;)

  7. sue Says:

    I’ve loved every single teaser you’ve posted from this.
    I’m amazed how well you can get into this girl’s head.

    Brilliant.

  8. Jill Wheeler Says:

    Love the shedding skin imagery! So true. Awesome voice!

  9. Karla Says:

    This is SO good. I love it! I really want to know more!

  10. Annie Says:

    The emotions are so real! Looks like its going tobe another great one!

  11. Sage Says:

    This is a great snippet. Love the emotions. They’re so real

  12. Laurie Says:

    Internal thought is beautiful. I SO want to know what her deal is.

  13. bethany Says:

    you just wrote this? It flows so well, and has such depth…great teaser!

  14. Stephanie Says:

    Kick ass teaser, Deb. Very tense scene. :D

  15. Cory Says:

    Love this, Deb “Relief strips the tightness from my chest.” And that last paragraph is gold.

  16. Liz Page Says:

    You know I’m just in love with this story right? I’m totally down to beta when you finish it.
    As for that er…lovely…paper, you can totally have it. It’s a pretty bad wreck lol. I literally can’t think of a single other way to phrase ‘PTSD and Iraq veterans’ that will get me some previous studies! Good luck with the research. Let me know how it turns out!

  17. angie Says:

    Love it! the voice is awesome and so believable. I love the family motto thing, really rang a bell with me. Can’t wait for more.

  18. Ink Says:

    I love the detail about facades and shedding her skin when she’s alone. That was so believably done, and the voice is perfect, as always :)

  19. T.H. Mafi Says:

    beautiful, deb. really, really fantastic.

    my down comforter doesn’t give a damn, either.

    oh your WORDS.

    love it.

    <3333

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