Just a little snippet I wrote a few minutes ago! Hope you enjoy!
“Taylor? Hey hon, how was your day?”
I pause, stare at the ceiling. Wonder briefly what she’d say if I told her the truth—that I’d had an epic sized freak-out in English, purposely shunned everyone at lunch, and told the only semi-decent guy I’d met in ages to fuck off. But that would ruin the whole façade of how well our family is coping with everything. I mean, God forbid Mom ever admit that her life might be less than perfect.
I toss a believable smile over my shoulder. Thanks to Mom, I’ve been a pro at faking them for years. “Oh, it was great.”
“Did you make any new friends? Join any clubs?”
“I’m still…scoping things out.”
“Well…just don’t wait too long.”
Worry lines distort the skin over her nose, and I feel a pang of regret. I shouldn’t be so hard on her. I know she loves me. She tries, anyway. It’s just that she mistakes being overly involved in the details of my social life for some crazy deep bond. But I can’t share important stuff. I can’t. Talking, really talking, would mean admitting there’s a problem in the first place. And if we had a family motto? It would totally be: ignore it until it goes away.
Relief strips the tightness from my chest once the door to my room clicks shut. I kick off my shoes and burrow into my bed. Finally relax in the peace that comes from not playing a role.
When I’m by myself it’s like I’m shedding a fake skin, sloughing off the pretense of being okay until it crumples into shriveled little pieces all around me. My down comforter doesn’t give a damn if I’m something less than perfect. Flawed.
Broken.
April 27th, 2010 at 6:35 am
Man, this amazing. Felt everything your MC was feeling through out. And you are so good at this first person pov, Im envious. You said you just wrote this? Come on, don’t be modest
April 27th, 2010 at 6:40 am
Your mom will always worry about you, and you may find that sooner or later you will share with her more that you are doing now. She could even read this post. Thanks for sharing with us.
April 27th, 2010 at 6:47 am
Awesome!! You ROCK. Makes me completely curious to know what else is going on that’s making her feel this way.
April 27th, 2010 at 8:15 am
Great voice. and the internal monologue is pitched just right. Awesome!
April 27th, 2010 at 9:14 am
i love your MC’s voice. it’s so gritty and real. Great snip!
April 27th, 2010 at 9:36 am
As always, love the details you put into your work.
April 27th, 2010 at 9:45 am
I’ve loved every single teaser you’ve posted from this.
I’m amazed how well you can get into this girl’s head.
Brilliant.
April 27th, 2010 at 10:08 am
Love the shedding skin imagery! So true. Awesome voice!
April 27th, 2010 at 11:38 am
This is SO good. I love it! I really want to know more!
April 27th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
The emotions are so real! Looks like its going tobe another great one!
April 27th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
This is a great snippet. Love the emotions. They’re so real
April 27th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Internal thought is beautiful. I SO want to know what her deal is.
April 27th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
you just wrote this? It flows so well, and has such depth…great teaser!
April 27th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
Kick ass teaser, Deb. Very tense scene.
April 28th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Love this, Deb “Relief strips the tightness from my chest.” And that last paragraph is gold.
April 28th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
You know I’m just in love with this story right? I’m totally down to beta when you finish it.
As for that er…lovely…paper, you can totally have it. It’s a pretty bad wreck lol. I literally can’t think of a single other way to phrase ‘PTSD and Iraq veterans’ that will get me some previous studies! Good luck with the research. Let me know how it turns out!
April 28th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Love it! the voice is awesome and so believable. I love the family motto thing, really rang a bell with me. Can’t wait for more.
April 29th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
I love the detail about facades and shedding her skin when she’s alone. That was so believably done, and the voice is perfect, as always
April 29th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
beautiful, deb. really, really fantastic.
my down comforter doesn’t give a damn, either.
oh your WORDS.
love it.
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