Teaser Tuesday…Ghosts?

Posted by houndrat on Tuesday Apr 6, 2010 Under writing, Young Adult

So, this is from a different WIP than the one I’ve been teasing from lately. It’s super rough, so I’ll probably pull it after a few days. Love to hear your thoughts–I’m still debating present vs. past tense for this one.

I spot her immediately, the girl from yesterday. The one who’d needed my shirt. What was her name again? Hayden? Kayden?

Jayden, that was it.

Something weird happens as I stare at her, though. Her long, straight dark hair morphs into shoulder-length, light brown waves. She grows to a gawky height. And her laugh—it sounds eerily familiar.

I gasp. No. No way. Goosebumps streak across my skin while I cover my sunglasses with my hands. When I drag them away again, a face blocks my view, just an arm’s length away.

“Everything okay?”

A pair of concerned brown eyes inspect me—familiar ones. It takes me a second, but then it clicks. It’s the guy from my walk of shame yesterday, the do-gooder.

I glance over at the quad, but Lainey is gone. It’s Jayden standing there.

Lainey is gone.

I shake my head and shift my attention back to the boy. “You know, that question is totally pointless,” I finally say.

He tilts his head to the side, sending a lock of brown hair skidding across his forehead. Cute trick. I wonder how long he’d practiced that in the mirror to get it just right.

“Pointless? Why do you say that?” he asks, studying me, his lips quirking up into a small half-smile. Almost like he can read my mind, and whatever he sees there is infinitely amusing.

Great. So glad I can entertain him. I tighten my grip on my backpack. “It’s pointless, because nobody ever wants to hear the truth.”

Without waiting for a response, I turn my back on him and start walking. I’m not sure where I’m going, but the location doesn’t matter. I just have to get away, away from stupid questions and stupid boys and bitchy girls in the quad. And most importantly, away from ghosts.

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20 Responses to “Teaser Tuesday…Ghosts?”

  1. Vero Says:

    LOVE this: “Cute trick. I wonder how long he’d practiced that in the mirror to get it just right.”

    Shows your MC’s personality right away!

  2. sue Says:

    Nice!
    Intriguing as all get-out as your teasers always are.
    I love..”He tilts his head to the side, sending a lock of brown hair skidding across his forehead.” Really nice description.

  3. Becca Says:

    I like the voice. Ghosts, you say? I’m in! *loves ghost stories* :D <33

  4. Tracey Says:

    Ooh, intriguing. Love the snark about the hair. I have no problem with the tense. If it doesn’t scream for a particular one, I say choose the one you like best.

  5. Krista Ashe Says:

    Okay, this is familiar for some reason….did you do it in FNW? Well, I liked it then, and I like it now too! I’m wondering if there’s really a ghost or has the MC done something bad and is having guilt. Or I’m thinking ooh, scary ghosts. You got me guessing! Good job!

  6. ChristaCarol Says:

    Oh, this was great. Love this line: Cute trick. I wonder how long he’d practiced that in the mirror to get it just right.

    Sorry to see it on the back burner, I’d love to read more!!

  7. Kristin Miller Says:

    Very cool, very mysterious. Wondering what’s going on with “the truth.”

  8. Akin Says:

    I’m loving this new WIP. But i’m also missing the other one you used to tease us with

  9. Kaitlin Says:

    Your writing has such great voice and reads so well. Love it!!

  10. Josin Says:

    No! It can’t be!

    *flails*

    Every time I think I’ve come up with a less common character name, I see it in someone else’s WIP. I think the FNW participants must all be hardwired to the same frequency. Lainey is MINE!!! Mine I say!!!

    (just kidding)

    ;-)

    It doesn’t read too rough to me. (I would change “quirking” into “quirk” and make it a verb, though… sorry. Red pen of Doom is on autopilot.) I, too, want to know the truth. I’m also curious as to whether this is literal ghosts or metaphoric ones.

    Drat you and your engaging writing bite-lets!

  11. Karla Nellenbach Says:

    you have such a great writing style…and this little ghost snip is super good…please write more!

  12. Cheyanne Young Says:

    “He tilts his head to the side, sending a lock of brown hair skidding across his forehead. Cute trick. I wonder how long he’d practiced that in the mirror to get it just right.”

    ahaha I LOVE this! Great teaser!

  13. Jamie Says:

    A new one! I like the morphing girl trick. Very cool!

  14. Sage Says:

    Creepy. I love ghost stories.

    I think the present tense works well. I’m not a big fan, but this read effortlessly for me.

  15. Ink Says:

    I remember this from FNW, I think. Loved it then, and love it now. My favourite parts: The “Cute trick” and the “And most importantly away from the ghosts”. Your voice is ALWAYS incredibly strong :D

  16. JM Donahue Says:

    I really love this. I’d love to see more – it is such a compelling premise.

  17. CoryLeslie Says:

    I like the voice, Deb. And I like the present tense. This didn’t feel really “rough.” Nice teaser!

  18. Liz Page Says:

    Shape shifting ghosts? Awesome. I am so in for this ride. I like your present tense, but I sort of hate you if this is your rough draft. It’s too good! :)

  19. sunna Says:

    Deb, this is great. I think it would work in either present or past, honestly.

    Jayden — great name!

  20. Akin Says:

    This is a great teaser. Loved it. But the MC can’t run from ghosts lol that’s why they’re ghosts! Cant wait to read more

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