Teaser Tuesday–A bad trade

Posted by houndrat on Tuesday Mar 9, 2010 Under writing

So, this comes just a short bit after the last Teaser, after Kaylin spends spends a little time in the room with Jones, the guy with the goods. Rough draft alert!

I float out of the room a short while later—minutes? Hours? I have no clue. I’m glowing, glowing. My fingers skim the walls, graze the nubby texture, the air. I laugh and the sound floats around me, hovers. I’ve got more energy than I can fucking stand. I feel like I could explode out of my own skin, race a few hundred laps around the neighborhood, and not even have to stop for air. But most of all, I feel like I’m going to burst if I don’t find someone to talk to. I need people around me.

I take another step and stumble. Underneath my buzz, something slinks into my consciousness, something dark and dirty.

I brush my fingers against my lips, brush away the taste. Then shake my head. My hair whips at warp speed and I see black dots and lights. I welcome the distraction and do it again. And again.
Then I stumble out toward the comforting chaos of the party.

The laughter, the voices—they cover me like warm fog, fill every corner of my brain. I shove my way into the first group of people I see, just craving that feeling of connection. Shane’s telling some story about a practical joke they played on their coach, and I start laughing hysterically. The sound roars around me. Musical. Free.

Shane grins and ruffles my hair. “Gee, I wonder what you’ve been doing? I can’t believe anyone ever thought you were such a goody-goody. Slacker.”

The feel of his fingers in my hair reminds me of the room. Of other fingers gripping my hair tightly. Thankfully, though, the thought evaporates almost before it registers. I launch into babble-mode, bouncing on my heels all the while. Loving the feel of the overhead lights dancing across my skin. Life is so full of cracking energy, amazing. It can’t get any better than this.

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15 Responses to “Teaser Tuesday–A bad trade”

  1. sue Says:

    Lady, this is fantastic.
    You have really nailed the voice here and the reality. I remember all too well what it was like.
    Well done.

  2. Vero Says:

    The voice is awesome and your descriptions are amazing. I really feel what she is feeling. Really well done!

  3. Amy Says:

    Damn, woman. You do drugged-to-the-gills extremely well. And it’s so dark, but without being heavy and icky. Fabulous.

  4. houndrat Says:

    Um, er…that might be because I didn’t post the part directly before it, lol–although, I do fade to black.

    Thanks, ladies!

  5. JM Donahue Says:

    This is full of awesome. I agree that the voice is strong, and the descriptions are fantastic. You really capture the scene well and make it come alive. Maybe too much. (Like others, I may or may not remember this feeling/situation…) You are doing a great job with present tense, it really does lend an immediacy here that fits the tone.

  6. Liz Page Says:

    Eek I love this so much. The descriptions are incredible. I totally feel her trip/buzz.

  7. Laurie Says:

    Love the voice. It’s SO dark!

  8. ChristaCarol Says:

    Loving this darkness and her buzz filtering out what happened in the room. Good stuff, lady.

  9. Lyn Says:

    Love the MC’s voice and the descriptions. It feels like I’m there.

  10. Karla Nellenbach Says:

    Color me SOOOOO jealous. This is seriously great! More please! Now! ….er, please :)

  11. T.H. Mafi Says:

    wow this was really awesome! great job!

    (also, please whisper amy’s name a little louder on my blog. i want to make sure she hears you!)

    thanks for the tease!!

    best of luck :D

  12. Niyrak Says:

    Nice job! I like how you pull her from the memory of what she has done to get what she wanted. It paints a clear picture for the reader.

  13. JennW Says:

    Wow, this is really good! And does not read like first draft at all. You’ve set a great scene here and nice voice. I like your present tense, it really works with this!

  14. Jennifer (Herb) Says:

    Great voice, Deb. I can’t wait to read more!

  15. Annie Says:

    WOW! Me hearts dark and edgy YA and you’re nailing it!! Keep up the awesome work! :)

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