Comments on: Trying something new and probably failing miserably Teaser

By: hope101

hope101 — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 01:06:28 +0000

Ooh, I enjoyed the setup and the voice in this piece. Like everyone else, loved the limping athlete line. Keeping going. You’ve got a winnah.

By: Becca

Becca — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 23:58:19 +0000

So heart-wrenching in just a short time span. Love this! Keep it coming!

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:59:29 +0000

You do such a good job with first person. Nice cliffhanger there at the end, too.

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:09:08 +0000

I love this: “My heart slams to a halt in my chest. Then, it kick-starts into an unsteady gait, like an athlete’s first limping step after an injury.”

The voice is great! Obviously 1st POV present agrees with you.

So… what happens next??

By: Becca

Becca — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:00:24 +0000

I am SO intrigued! It sounds great! You must do something with it!

By: Paranormalchick

Paranormalchick — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 17:42:12 +0000

LOVE THIS!!! Soon it’ll be on the best sellers list!!! The voice is strong with this one!!!! hehehehehehe *Hugs Demon sister*

By: Jen

Jen — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 17:37:31 +0000

Oh, very nice beginning. There’s so many different directions it could go. I look forward to seeing which way you’ll take.

By: CupofDice

CupofDice — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 16:44:53 +0000

Very strong, descriptive voice. Roll with it!

By: Liz Page

Liz Page — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 16:43:19 +0000

I kind of love this!! I love 1PP, and V is right, have you seen all my teasers? I can’t shake it.
Get plotting!

By: V

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 16:36:41 +0000

I like this! I think your first person present is great. And you know what they say…once you go 1PP, you never go back.

I second JF– get plotting, dude.