Cut parking lot scene from Demon Guard

Posted by houndrat on Tuesday Nov 24, 2009 Under writing

Okay, so today I’m posting a cut scene from Demon Guard.? I actually ended up going in a whole different direction with the plot.? I hadn’t even remembered it until about two hours ago, when I dug it up in all it’s unedited glory.? I did spend some time trying to revise it a bit– because, hey, how else was I going to procrastinate working on REAL scenes?–but it’s still mighty rough-ish.? Maybe I can find a home for it in my sequel. *snicker*? ? Hey, a? girl? can dream, right??

Anyway, here’s the set-up.? Summer (the MC’s) old friends Kat and Allie go to spike demons in a parking lot to join the Academy, only–they’re not the meek little Stage Ones they’re supposed to be.? Rather, it’s an ambush, with three fully embodied demons waiting to attack.? ? Kat and Allie? are captured.? Summer and her friends Cody and Shade try to fend them off and save the girls, but will their efforts be enough?? Read on:

SNIPPED!
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24 Responses to “Cut parking lot scene from Demon Guard”

  1. CommonReactor Says:

    You cut this?! This was heart-poundingly exciting! Wow! And, the ending was so painful. I don’t even know your characters and my heart dropped into my stomach. :( Great writing! I’m getting you to help me with my action scenes later on!

  2. Kathleen Says:

    I envy your action describing skills.

  3. Becca Says:

    This. Is. Awesome.

    I <33 action scenes!!! I feel so bad for Allie. :( *cries*

  4. Vero Says:

    umm wow, you’re going to have to find somewhere for this scene! It’s just way too intense not to use!

    Love it!

  5. Kaitlin Says:

    SO good! Great job on the action, too. I hope you can find a home for it, it’s a great scene.

  6. Jamie Says:

    WOW!! This is so good! My heart was pounding. I can’t wait to read more DG!! Thanks for sending ch 7!

  7. sue Says:

    um…why did you cut this? *smacks wrist*

    Very nice. Not only do you do snarky very well, you do action well too. This was very ‘cinematic’. I could visualize the scene as clearly as if I was watching it at the movies.

    Well done.

  8. JennW Says:

    OMG – Why did you cut this. You action is great here!

  9. Amna Says:

    I love the action here! Why, oh why did you cut this?!

    Lol! If this is on the cutting room floor, I wonder how amazing are the things you actually kept!

  10. Jy'lenn Says:

    I’m with everyone else here… Just WHY did you cut this? huh???? this is too good to not use!!!!

    The action is great, it’s written like a scene from a movie, and you even have it tugging at the heartstrings!!!! you’ve GOT to use this SOMEWHERE someHOW!!!!!

    did I mention I like it? ;)

  11. sunna Says:

    Good lord, it must have hurt a lot to kill this darling. I’m with Sue, this was wonderfully cinematic.

  12. Horserider Says:

    You CUT this??? But it made me cry… Poor Allie :(

  13. Karla Says:

    Awwww . . . why are you cutting this? It’s brilliant! It’s really great! Poor Allie though….

  14. Tracey Says:

    Aw, poor Allie. :-( Very nicely done action! And the end is perfectly sad. You are made of steel to have cut this!

  15. Jennifer (Herb) Says:

    I can’t imagine cutting this but I absolutely love your writing style and would hate anything so beautiful to be cut.

  16. Niyrak Says:

    So much action. I like it. Did you let the friend live in the other version? Just curious ya know.

  17. colbymarshall Says:

    I agree–why cut!? You have a talent for action scenes…it never slows. And it was great how the action so seamlessly blended with emotion of the scene, too. Good one!

  18. CoryLeslie Says:

    Fantastic action scene! I loved the descriptions. You could feel these bodies moving!

  19. Kristin Says:

    Action scene! Very fun and very descriptive.

  20. Paranormalchick Says:

    OMG, I can’t believe you had to cut this…it woulda made me sick to take this out! But if it’s whats best for the plot…

    Great snip, discriptions were rockin’

  21. Aimee Says:

    Wow! I can’t believe this was cut! This was amazing, I loved it. Great descriptions!

  22. DH Kuypers Says:

    Wow. Lots of action & great writing!! You were really able to visualize what was going on here.

  23. Gretchen Says:

    First off, I love the new blog design. Second, great scene, great action mixed with the horrifying emotion of the ending. The paragraph that starts here – The remaining demon’s brawny arm still circled Allie’s neck – and the short one after I found my eye skimming only because we realize what is about to happen and we want to see if it actually does. You can move it faster there. Otherwise, I thought it was awesome.

  24. houndrat Says:

    Thanks *so* much–I think that would help a lot! :) I luvz Blond crits! :)

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