Teaser Tuesday–Demon Guard

Posted by houndrat on Tuesday Aug 18, 2009 Under writing

Just posting a random scene from somewhere mid-story.? Shade is a guy Summer? hooked up with once, about a year ago.? Lots of? baggage there.? And Summer just got Headmistress Scruggs’ permission to visit her mom in the hospital on a weekday, with a catch–she has to carpool with Shade (whose mom is also in the hospital).

Like the rest of this, it’s still rough–I”m happy for any suggestions to make it better! Thanks for reading!

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After class, I headed outside to find Shade.? He was in his usual spot, sprawled across one of the lunch tables like he owned it.? I paused next to his feet.? With his sunglasses on, I couldn’t tell if he was awake or not, but his relaxed mouth suggested he didn’t have a care in the world. ? Must be nice. ?

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Jackass.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? A breeze ruffled his hair just then, the sun brightening the blond strands into shimmering threads of gold. ? The second I realized where my thoughts had taken me, I cursed myself. ? ? No way would I fall into that trap again.? Then I shoved his leg. ? Hard.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “What the…? ? Oh. ? It’s you.” ? He reared up on his elbows. ? “Did you need something? ? Or did you wake me just to be annoying?”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I crossed my arms and offered him my best phony smile. ? “Both. ? Actually, I come bearing messages from Scruggs.? Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “Is there an option c that says ‘neither’?”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “No.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “Fine.? Give me the good.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “She says you can go visit your mom today,” I said.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “Hmm.? Bad?”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Renewed hostility at Scruggs stupid edict had my fingers digging into my ribs.? “We have to ride together.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “Wow.? You keep finding excuses to get us together, and I’m going to start thinking you have a crush.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? The dark lenses of his sunglasses still shielded his eyes, but I could see his mouth curving up into an annoying smirk.? I stuffed the urge to chuck my backpack at his head.? Barely.?

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? He was quiet for a moment, then shrugged.? “Okay. Whatever.? But I’m driving.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I bristled at his cocky assumption.? “Why?? I’m a good driver.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? He laid back down, folding his arms behind his head.? “Don’t freak.? I’m sure your driving skills are adequate.? You car, alas, is not.? I mean, why travel economy when you can go luxury?”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Heat stung my cheeks.? I’d had a nice car—once.? But after my dad lost his primo Council job, we’d had to trade my sporty little Mustang for a more affordable, eight-year old Sentra.? ? And last time I’d checked, Shade had an awesome Porsche.? I forced down my anger while I considered my options.? I suppose he had a point.? Besides, if he drove, I could work on my laptop on the way.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “Fine,” I bit out.? “I’ll meet you by the front door.? Three-thirty work for you?”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “It’s a date,” he drawled.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I rolled my eyes and walked over to Cody’s table.

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12 Responses to “Teaser Tuesday–Demon Guard”

  1. Bryn Greenwood Says:

    Oh, so sad…she has to ride with the hot guy she has a crush on, in his cool car. ;o)

    One thing: when they’re talking, it’s not clear who says what a few times. Particularly: “She says you can visit your mom.” Who says that? Do they both have a mother to visit?

  2. sue Says:

    You know me, I love the MC’s voice.

    I love the description of Shade sprawled all over the table as if he owned it. You paint a great picture of his character without having to rub it in the readers’ faces. I like the sparky chemistry between these two and I’m looking forward to seeing it develop.

    Just a couple of nits. I think you can ditch the ‘cocky’ in front of assumption because it’s clear that he’s a cocky sod anyway, likewise the ‘annoying’ in front of smirk.

    Otherwise, I’ve enjoyed every snippet I’ve read from this. Fun, lively stuff.

  3. houndrat Says:

    Thanks guys! I went ahead and added a “said” on that line, Bryn, to see if it helps the rest of the readers. And yeah, his mom is in the hospital, too. Sue–I don’t know if I’ll ever rid myself of my incessant need for adjectives and adverbs, lol. I’ll definitely cut those two out–thanks! :)

  4. Steve Says:

    I love the MC’s voice as well. Good repartee. It would be cool if Summer took Shade’s keys and she got in the driver’s seat of the Porche. That would lead to an interesting exchange. Well done and look forward to more.

  5. Gretchen Says:

    Awesome. The dialogue is completely believeable and I love the voice. Definitely want to know more about Summer’s situation. I’d keep turning pages!

    Only I didn’t know any high school kids who drove Porsches. But it’s been awhile since I was in high school. :)

    *fighting urge for 110 IN THE SHADE joke here*

  6. houndrat Says:

    Gretchen–HA! I already had to replace “shades” with “sunglasses”–I thought Shade wearing shades was a bit much.

  7. Kari Stewart Says:

    I love the voice, love the interaction. The one thing you might want to think on is that you have a plethora of “S” names here. (Summer, Shade, Scruggs) Might cause a few trip ups for really fast readers.

  8. Becca Says:

    This is some seriously good writing. I loved it!! Must suck to ride with an old flame. :P I need to read more ASAP!! :D

  9. Sarah Says:

    Ohhh. Super snarky!

  10. Tracey Says:

    Have I ever mentioned how much I love the voice in this? :-) The dialogue is great, snappy and believable. And despite your worries about descriptions, I think you do a fab job of describing Shade’s personality with just the few details provided. Looking forward to reading this thing!

  11. Amna Says:

    I love the voice in this! Your MC is great. Looks like a great read, look forward to having it in my hands!

  12. Krista Ashe Says:

    Ooh, I love Shade….I love to hate him, lol.

    Loved the description in this snippet, and I wanna know more about these characters.

    Good job!

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