Finally–another Teaser Tuesday

Posted by houndrat on Tuesday Jun 23, 2009 Under writing

I’ve finally gone back and performed a little editing on the first chapter of my Work in Progress, tentatively titled “The Demon Guard.”? It’s still rough, but hopefully not too horrific.? Comments/ constructive criticism always welcome!



? ? ? ? ? ? ? Squaring my shoulders, I entered the hallway to wait.? According to my watch, only four minutes had passed when Trent came tearing up the stairs.? He saw me and skidded to a halt, his sneakers squeaking on the hardwood floor.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “So, what’s up?”? He flashed a white smile and rested his hand on the small of my back.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “Why don’t we go into one of the bedrooms?”?

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I felt his hand jerk in surprise.? I couldn’t blame him—ever since the debacle, I hadn’t been famous for my approachability. ? Even the majority of the students that mocked me feared my razor-sharp comebacks.?

But Trent recovered quickly.? He steered me to the farthest doorway down the hall on the right, and we entered a master bedroom.? I bypassed the attached lounge to plop down on the four poster bed, nervously smoothing my hand over the satin of the comforter.? At least my first time would be in a nice room—I’d heard all the horror stories.

“So, what do you want to do now?? I’ve gotta admit, I’m kind of surprised.? You’ve never seemed very interested.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I smiled a sad smile.? “Shows how observant you are.? I’ve had a crush on you for ages.”? In spite of what was coming next, I couldn’t help the warmth that filled my cheeks. I glanced down at my hand, noting the ring now appeared black.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I bolstered my courage and widened my smile into something I hoped looked seductive.? I could have been off, though—my flirting skills were way beyond rusty.? “Why don’t you take off your shirt?” I suggested, leaning towards him.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? His eyes lit up, then dimmed.? “Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?? Because I’m not the kind of guy who would do that.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “Just that one sip of beer.? I hardly think it’s enough to get me loaded.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Faster than a gunshot, he yanked the black t-shirt over his head and tossed it to the side.? “Well, okay then.? Now what?”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Tentatively, I lifted my hand to his chest until my palm rested on the warm skin.? His muscles bunched under my touch, but I could still feel the beat of his heart.? It was distinctive and rhythmic.? Very rhythmic.?

Too rhythmic.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I dropped my hand, my own heart crashing against my ribcage like a caged tiger trying to escape.? Swallowing hard, I said, “Well, here goes nothing.”? I reached under the hem of my own shirt, and the smile in his eyes changed to something hotter.? I paused. “You know, I really do like you.? That’s why this is so hard.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “What’s so hard?”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? “This.”? I whipped my hand out from under my shirt, clutching the thin golden spike I’d grabbed from inside my leather sheath.? Then, without a moment’s hesitation, I shoved the spike straight into his skull.



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10 Responses to “Finally–another Teaser Tuesday”

  1. firedrake Says:


    Talk about leaving us hanging! Loved that ending!
    Very clever scene.

  2. justme Says:

    Well, I didn’t see that coming. LOL. Good job!

  3. Jy'lenn Says:

    OMG!!! LOVE it!!! Especially the ending!

    heh… he obviously never saw that one coming! Lol!!!!

  4. sunna Says:

    Totally love the ending! Such fabulous set-up, well-paced and snappy. *applauds*

  5. Grayrose Says:

    Very nicely done!

  6. Tracey Says:

    Fantastic set up that delivers perfectly! Loved this!

  7. ChristaCarol Says:

    Wow, the ending really gets you. The voices is great. Love how nervous she is. Especially things like “my flirting skills were way beyond rusty” lol. Good job!

  8. Jan (hope101) Says:

    I love your voice. Such humor. And then–bam!–what an end. Good job, hound. If this is what you write like rough, you ain’t never seein’ my pages.

  9. Stephanie Says:

    Must have more! That was awesome–I’m very intruiged. Great job!

  10. Heidi Says:

    Wowza! I too did not see that coming. You are good!

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