Another Teaser Tuesday–still Tainted

Posted by houndrat on Monday May 18, 2009 Under writing

Another Teaser Tuesday is around the corner.  Since I’m revising right now anyway, I thought I’d go ahead and post early.

This scene is early on in the story.  I think it’s pretty self-explanatory–all except the part where the heroine has already expressed her annoyance over random sayings.  Input appreciated, as always!

“So, I take it you want to talk?” Logan asked.  Today, he wore a brown t-shirt that really accentuated the green of his eyes.  Like they needed any help.  My God, the guy seriously had the most beautifully colored eyes on the planet.  And those lashes?  He could’ve been the poster boy for Cover Girl mascara with those suckers.

          I realized he was waiting for me to respond, so I went with the ever-intelligent  “Huh?”  In my favor, at least it was short and to the point.

          Impatience flitted across his gorgeous features.  “Let’s stop with the games already.  You know I‘m waiting here for you.”

          Say what?  My eyes narrowed at the unbelievable nerve of the boy, and I felt heat rise to my face.  “Me, stop with the games? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.  Although, I don’t really get that saying, either.  I mean, they’re both black, right?  Or is one ‘ebony’ and the other one, like, ‘darkest night’?”  I shrugged and moved on.  “Whatever.  Anyway, I’ll stop with the games—just as soon as you admit you are following me.” 

I began studying my nails as if I didn’t have a care in the world.  And then took a closer look.  Darn—my polish had started chipping already.  I was going to have to find a better manicurist.  Maybe I could try that one of Angela’s—

          “Hey, are you even listening?”  He muttered something else under his breath that I couldn’t really hear. But I was pretty sure he wasn’t complimenting me on my fabulous accessorizing.  What a grump.

          “Over-caffeinate much?  Seriously.”

          He folded his arms and gave me a stern look, which I met with my best wide-eyed innocent stare.  Studying my expression, he sighed, clearly exasperated.  “Look, we really need to go somewhere and discuss things.  Do you have a minute?”

          But I was once again mesmerized by the beauty of Logan’s face.  Wow.  Even when he was pissed, the guy still exuded major hotness.  His eyes were all flashy and extra green, and his mouth….

          I snapped to when I heard him clear his throat impatiently.  “Oh, um…talk?  Okay, I guess.  Where should we go?”

          “Somewhere private.”

Gulp.   Private?  “Well, I guess we could go to my room.  I have a single.  Oh, but I have to meet Genna in the quad first.  We’ve got some party plans to finalize.  And after that, lunch.”

He rolled his eyes.  “And after all of those urgent matters are taken care of?  Do you think you could spare a minute out of your busy schedule of flirting and eating?”

I knew he meant it as a rhetorical question, but I pretended to mull it over just the same.  The rising annoyance on his face was entertaining to watch.  “Um, yeah, I should be free after that.”

His head jerked in a curt nod. “Fine. I’ll meet you outside the cafeteria in an hour.”  Then, he turned his back on me dismissively and walked away.

And have a nice day to you, too, I thought, then shrugged.  Luckily, I had things to do that didn’t involve trading another round of insults with Mr. I’m-so-gorgeous-I-think-I-can-act-like-a-complete-ass.

 

 

12 Responses to “Another Teaser Tuesday–still Tainted”

  1. sue Says:

    hahahahahahahaha!
    I love the humor in this, I love your MC’s voice, it’s very real.
    Well done, missus!

  2. Tracey Says:

    Your MC sounds like a hoot! Without any other context to go on, I kind of felt like she was over-emphasizing Logan’s looks, but that could just be me. The voice really shines. Great work!

  3. houndrat Says:

    Thanks, guys. Alex (my MC) is a wee bit on the frivolous and shallow side to start with. :)

  4. sunna Says:

    Awesome! I really love her voice and the humor here. So many things happening under the surface, too.

  5. Sarah Says:

    I love it! She sounds like a girl I’d love to be friends with – this is wonderful because you can see her in front of you, and yet you haven’t said anything about her appearance beyond the nail polish throwaway. Lovely!

    Again, I’d say throw out a few of the qualifiers and don’t do quite so much explaining – be bold with your nouns and verbs! Let them stand on their own! Seriously – just a couple of key phrases could be hacked, taking nothing away from the scene and letting it pack that quarter-inch more punch that would make it perfect.

    Can’t wait to read more!!

  6. houndrat Says:

    Thanks, Sarah! You would make a great editor, lol….

  7. Branwyn Says:

    She sounds like a hoot. I agree with the eye description. I wouldn’t equate him with the Cover Girl lash ad. Maybe, lashes that any woman would kill for.

    Very nice.

  8. Rose Pressey Says:

    Great voice and humor.

  9. Gretchen Says:

    She’s got a great voice, strong and young with that scattered Daily Show-esque ability to think of a million things at once.

    Sarah’s dead on – use more descriptive verbs and you can kill a lot of the -ly’s. At some point, they start to slow down what is otherwise sparkling dialogue.

  10. Bryn Greenwood Says:

    I love the little hint of Twilight-mockery, that your narrator is simultaneously drooling over Logan’s gorgeous hotness, mixed with her contempt for him.

  11. Karen Duvall Says:

    Love the voice! I like that kind of conversational tone. It makes for easy reading, which is what you want for YA. Good job!

  12. Stephanie Says:

    “poster boy for Cover Girl mascara” — I love it! The voice is awesome, I’d definitely read on.

Leave a Reply