Comments on: Teaser Tuesday

By: Shana Silver

Shana Silver — Wed, 06 May 2009 02:10:21 +0000

Really great voice that just pops. I agree with Gretchen’s mention of the sorority girls. I shopped a college-set YA novel once and while I had a lot of requests, agents were reluctant to take it on because they are a hard sell, so it’s shelved for now since I couldn’t figure out how to switch it to a high-school setting (the book revolved around the dark side of sorority life). Anyway, this is really nice. Mine had other issues that made it a hard sell (it was very edgy) so you may have an easier time. Good luck!

By: houndrat

houndrat — Wed, 06 May 2009 01:33:25 +0000

Excellent suggestion Octavia–thanks! I just recently changed that sentence and it sounds a little off to me anyway, so I will definitely try to improve it.

By: JM Donahue

JM Donahue — Wed, 06 May 2009 01:21:05 +0000

Very intriguing, I agree with the other comments that the voice here is very strong. Well done! My only suggestion would be to tweak this sentence: “She was meek and shy and a loner, and she didn’t need this.” It is a lot of tell. Can you show me this? Maybe something about how she cowers in the corner at parties, blending in with the sofa or something Looking forward to more of this story. Thanks for sharing. (oh, and this is alias octavia)

By: Courtney

Courtney — Tue, 05 May 2009 23:05:55 +0000

Nice! I really like the voice in this. Your writing is crisp and clean. You get a lot said about your MC’s power without needless words. Great job!

–Courtney (Mythica)

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Tue, 05 May 2009 23:03:49 +0000

Great voice! Very strong. Is this YA? It reads that way, except for the “soronity girls” mention. Agents are generally wary (so I’ve heard, I have NO personal experience here) with YA novels set in college so you might want to keep that in mind.

By: Latasha McLaughlin

Latasha McLaughlin — Tue, 05 May 2009 22:08:33 +0000

I like this. You are a very good writer and I can’t wait to see what else you got.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:28:18 +0000

This was really well done! The pronoun thing was the only thing that snagged me, too, but otherwise, I really want to find out what she says!!

By: Rose Pressey

Rose Pressey — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:06:47 +0000

Love the voice. Great job!

By: Branwyn

Branwyn — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:05:53 +0000

I’m partial to first person POV. Great writing and emotion.

By: Jy'lenn

Jy'lenn — Tue, 05 May 2009 20:59:02 +0000

Loved it! I usually shy away from first-person narrative (I can’t get into it) but I really liked this. It brings up questions as to what’s going on and makes you want to know more. Very descriptive and intriguing!