I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of coming up with resolutions at the end of every year, only to realize by the? conclusion of the following year I’ve been a miserable failure at each and every one.? So I’ve decided to change things up a little bit this time.? Instead of making a bunch of lofty goals that I haven’t got a a snowball’s chance in hell of achieving, I’ve decided to go the underachiever route.? Basically, that means I’m scaling way back on my? New Year’s resolutions.? You know, so that I can actually be successful for a change.
Here’s how it works.? For example, instead of saying that I’m going to get in great shape next year and hit the gym at least 3 times a week, I’ve made it just a teensy bit easier–my goal is to do at least one sit-up a month.? I figure if I can’t accomplish that, I deserve to have my abdominals atrophy and fall off.
? As for organization-related resolutions?? Well, you saw how far we got with those last year.? ? New, improved goal?? To? get my mail organized just enough so that I don’t lose my daughter’s social security card the day after it arrives, thus rendering us incapable of getting our full tax refund or stimulus check (yes, that actually happened).? Or proving that we have a daughter in the first place.? ? ? I really want to add? a resolution that states we’ll? clean our garage? up enough to attract one less rat this year, but I thought that might be pushing it.
When I go to Target to pick up baby wipes and a magazine, I resolve to spend no more than $99.99, no matter how tempting the dollar bins are.
I promise to? pick up? the mail at least once a week, and more importantly, open it at least once? a? month.? I also plan to keep my aol inbox monthly average at 950 emails versus 999.? Alas, the answering machine is on it’s own.
Oh yeah, and I resolve to only use feminine hygiene products of the human variety this year.
I have a few more.? Like, when Skye eats a shoe in 2009, I vow to throw the other intact one away immediately, instead of hanging on to? it in hopes that the shoe fairy will magically grant me an unchewed mate.? Don’t snicker–that’s a tough one.? You just never know when the shoe fairy might strike.
? And Fergie has assured me she’s cutting back as well.? For starters, she’ll try to destroy one less item per month.? If I were her, I’d probably think about starting with Santa’s? head–I figure it can’t be good present Karma to go around munching the face off of Old Saint Nick ornament.?
Also, she’s going to try not to jump up on the counters any more–unless there’s actually food up there for her to steal.? Impressive, huh?
? So, with goals like these, I’m reasonably certain I can achieve some success by the end of 2009.? And if not?? Well, social security cards are over-rated, anyway.
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