The Great Purge and Give-away

The great purge has finally arrived.  And it’s about time.

No, not that kind of purge–I enjoy my yummies entirely too much to sully their memory with the flavor of vomit.  Besides, we don’t clean our toilets enough for me to chance sticking my face inside ours on a daily basis.

No, I’m talking about a stuff purge.  As in, cleansing our home of the five zillion useless pieces of crap that clutter every square inch. 

Hubby and I have been vainly attempting to get organized for years.  And finally, it’s dawned on us why even the smallest drawer has thwarted our most Herculean efforts to conquer it:

It’s all about the stuff.  Granted, both hubby and myself are utterly devoid of any organizational talents.  Not to mention,  the thousands of brain cells we’ve sacrificed at the altar of parenting haven’t helped our cause.  But, really, people.  Surely even the most organizationally-void soul doesn’t clean their garage for an entire day, only to end up having it look like this: 

(And yes, the same totalled car from over a year ago is still in residence.  Talk to my husband, because I honestly don’t have an answer for you.  At least, not a coherent one.)

So, finally, after a stunning number of failures, we think we’ve excavated the root of our issue.  See, it’s not just an organizational thing, it’s a stuff  thing.  And we’ve got too much.  Stuff, that is. 

I know—for a couple with three and a half graduate degrees between us, it took long enough.  I mean, when your counters look like this, and your garage like this, you’d think anyone with an IQ over ten would have come to this conclusion years ago.  Let’s face it—even the love child of Pamela Anderson and Dan Quayle would have comprehended that there are simply not enough organizational devices in the entire Northern hemisphere to encompass the vast amounts of junk taking refuge in our home. 

So, in a massively ginormous effort to both de-stressify and greenify our lives (hey, this is my blog, and thusly, I am granted the power of making up words as I see fit), we’ve decided to purge.  The plan?  Simple.  We sell some on craigslist, list some on freecycle, and give any leftovers to charity.

Oh yeah, and I figured I could give some stuff away on my blog.  And here is the perfect place to start:

Yes, that is my closet.  Disgraceful, I know.  But just think—you can assist me in at long last determining the color of the carpet inside.  Assuming I actually have carpet in there.  And here’s how it works:

I’m going to be photographing various items I need gone and posting them here over the next month.  If you want that item, leave a comment.  At the end of a set period of time, which I’ll state in my post, I’ll randomly pick a winner and send them the item.  Oh, and feel free to leave a comment even if you don’t want the item–seriously, you won’t hurt my feelings.  Well, maybe just a little.  But I’ll get over it.  I mean, I am giving the item away after all, so logic dictates that I can’t be too attached. 

Then again, there are times when logic is just as elusive to me as the plentitude of Pamela Anderson’s bosoms.

Anyway, I figure it’s a win-win-win situation here–I’m cleaning my house, you’re getting prizes, and we’re all recycling and saving the landfills.  And all joking aside—hubby and I are really serious about scaling down the material goods.

So, here’s the first item.  I honestly don’t think I ever bought this dress–is it possible my clothes are procreating in there?   Frankly, it’s just a wee bit too short for somebody getting ready to attend her 20- year high school reunion next month (yikes)!  The brand is Billabong, and it’s a size Medium, and never been worn (unless I wore it with the tag once, which, knowing me, is a distinct possibility.  Details are so not my thing).

And if you are one of those people who must see it on first, then here you go:

Love it?  Need it?  Or absolutely detest it, but just want to get to know your mailman better?  Then leave me a comment.  You have until midnight Thursday.