I admit it.? I did.? I got sucked in by all the TV hype, especially that show, “Miss America:? Reality Check”.? I was really? optimistic that things would change, that maybe they really were going to modernize the pageant this year.? Although I’m not even sure what that? entails.? I mean, let’s get serious—how modern can you be when you’re strutting around getting graded on your bikini-wearing skills?? ? It’s not? exactly a feat that’s going to have my sistas and me proclaiming “We’ve come a long way, baby” anytime soon (although, I grant you, it must take balls of steel—I can’t even? get up from sunbathing alone in? my backyard? ? without? wrapping a towel? around my waist).

So, okay, the swimsuit competition remained, but I was sure the question segment would be more profound.? Well, I’ve got news for you—unless you consider a saucer of water droplets deep, you wouldn’t have been impressed. If anything, the questions got even more “dumbed down” this year, I assume to appeal to the masses more.? Now there’s a scary thought.? Do? the masses? really? want to watch contestants answer? questions about Britney Spears’ sister and Paris Hilton?? That’s about as profound as, well, Britney Spears’ sister and Paris Hilton.? Meaning my old demented dog’s more erudite than whoever gave those questions the green light.

And then, the talent portion.? Or, as I like to say, the untalent.? Because, honestly, every single girl I heard sing on the show would have been given the boot by Randy, Simon and Paula in a nanosecond.? Why do they even bother to have a talent portion if it obviously has no bearing on the winner?? I mean, did those judges actually listen to the girl who won sing “Over the Rainbow”, or did they pass out earplugs in advance?? My ears have still not forgive me for subjecting them to that cacophony.? Seriously, if one of the? ladies? had burped the alphabet, it would’ve been a step in the right direction, talent-wise.

So, overall, I saw nothing more modern in the supposedly new and improved Miss America pageant? other than a? handful of fewer? teased up-dos.? I sincerely doubt that feminists worldwide are performing cartwheels over this not-so-striking change (for those? feminists that actually admit to remembering how to perform one in the first place).

And if the producers think this? drivel is going to draw in a whole new batch of viewers, then they’re the ones in dire need of a reality check.

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