Anyone need a dog….or three?

Posted by houndrat on Wednesday Jan 23, 2008 Under dogs

As you may or may not know, we have three dogs in our household.? On any given day, that’s three too many.

First of all, we have Peanut, the neurotic growl-machine mini-Rottweiler.? I’ve already discussed his growling issue (to growl or not to growl), but he has a few hundred other foibles that make him, well, “special”.? For example, today, as soon as I put my infant daughter and son down for their nap, guess who starts howling?? I mean, it’s bad enough when it happens once, but this, my friends, is a daily occurrence.? I? realize the sirens in his head call out to him—but what I really want to know is, why the heck can’t the sirens speak to him when everyone is awake?

As an added bonus, Peanut likes to puke in the baby’s room.? Only the yellow bile stuff though—you know, the one liquid that nothing known to man can actually remove from the carpet?? I guess it’s just his way of adding a little something? extra to Finley’s residence.? Maybe if I gave him pink or pastel green food coloring, I could at least get the barf to match the decor.

Next up, the Ferganator.? ? Fergalicious.? The Ferger Berger.? No matter what we call her, we know this one’s trouble.? ? This liver-nosed girl is? a chewing machine with the stomach of a goat.? She can and will chew anything.? Seriously.? We once? went into the backyard? and found? a beer can she’d chewed in two.? It looked like somebody had taken a hacksaw to it.? She also loves snot rags, diapers, sanitary pads, and all manner of? other disgusting items that simply should not see the light of day again once tossed out.? Baby toys, toddler toys, rocks, undies, collars, bulletproof vests (okay, so we don’t have one, but I know she’d chew it if we did)—you name it, she chews it.

And then, we have Skye.? Skye, who, apart from the need to digest (literally) a good book every now and then, is really the only semi-behaved dog in the house.? She’s the only good one.? Except for when it’s cold outside (which is was today).? Then, apparently, she only pretends to pee when she’s supposed to, and instead, saves it all up until I leave so she can break out of her kennel and pee in the house.? Or at least that’s what she did today.? Where does she go?? Yep, you guessed it—the baby’s room.? Because apparently the Peanut barf already there was simply not disgusting enough.? You know some days when your dog has an accident but at least, thank God, the urine is super clear and barely smells?? Yeah, well, this wasn’t one of those days.? Skye usually has a bladder of steel, too, so I’m thinking she must have been saving up this special little prize for several nights.? I seriously hope Finley enjoys eau de dog funk.? Because her room now reeks of it.

And somebody, please tell me, why do the dogs always head for the carpet to empty their orifices?? I mean, half of our house? has ? hardwood floors.? ? Could not one dog out of three ever have? an accident there, where it conceivably might not remain in our house until the end of time?? Apparently, this is a stupid question, because it never happens.? I mean, the horror—the pee might actually run and touch a toenail!

So, I’ll say it again—on any given day, three dogs per house is three dogs too many.? And today it’s a given.?

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